The Audient Files

A Whitney Houston Inspired Story

2012-02-13T17:25:00.004-05:00

We had an annual talent and fashion show that was a fundraiser for the speech team. Those of us actually on the speech team had little or nothing to do with it. At least, I had nothing to do with it -- probably because I wasn't viewed by the speech coach as being either talented or fashionable. This, from a guy who clearly didn't wear undershirts and used lime deodorant.

The fashion portion of the show was second -- and it was loud. Not just the music, but the fashion itself. Everyone on stage dressed like they were extras for "Purple Rain."

The talent portion was first. And, as was true of every school talent show I ever attended, the conventionally talented -- kids who played piano -- opened the show, while the obnoxious -- kids who dressed off the rack from Merry Go Round and sang along to distorted tapes -- closed.

The very first act was a young black girl. I forget her name, and I might never have known it. She was hunched over a piano, and started plunking out, decently, a hit of the day -- Whitney Houston's "Saving All My Love for You."

And the crowd was anxious and nasty. Ruthless. Rude. But simmering. They were here to see balloon pants, pointy shoes, and dancing. The pot was ready to boil over.

The only stage light were the spots on the piano and the earnest pianist. And then there was this voice -- powerful, equally earnest -- joining in halfway through.

And tonight,

I looked to the stage. Was someone singing in the dark?

is the night,

Yes, someone was. But not on stage. In the house. Toward the front row.

That I'm feelin' alright,

I saw him. It was Rufus!

We'll be making love the whole night thruuuuuu

Rufus could sing! Who knew! A spot was now rushed on him. One hand on his chest, the other hand thrust out. He was not up on that stage but -- he should have been!

'Cause I'm saving all my dick for yuuuuuuu

The pot boiled over. The earnest pianist stopped and slammed her hands on the keys. The crowd roared.

The laughter and the howling were louder than the piano amp.

I was laughing too, but I gained my shame as I watched her run off stage. This was not part of the act. That poor girl. And Rufus!

Later that day, the girl's boyfriend found Rufus outside. The boyfriend, and his brass knuckles.

Nine Years

2010-09-11T11:01:00.005-04:00

‎"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." -- Thomas Jefferson, 1776.

Today, we remember those who were lost nine years ago. The terrorists took these towers and these lives, but they did not and cannot take our liberty. They cannot change what it means to be an American. Only we can do that. We are far better able than any terrorist to limit, bind and suppress ourselves and our ideals. Exercise your freedom. Follow your dreams. Seek and enjoy the benefits of wealth, education and opportunity that are found and made in this great nation -- a nation founded not on ethnicity or religion but on Jefferson's bold statement of self evident truths. Remember today those that were lost, and remember that the greatest statement we can make as Americans is to carry on, and to seek excellence and achieve greatness as Americans uniquely do and historically have. Our ideas are bigger and better than theirs.

(picture taken on the Statue of Liberty ferry, March 1988)

Tuesday Talkback DIY

2010-03-02T09:49:00.003-05:00

Cleveland.com didn't put up Monday Moaning until THIS morning:

http://www.cleveland.com/mondaymoaning/index.ssf/2010/03/monday_moaning_for_march_1_2010.html

I usually write it Monday night -- I don't have time this morning to write it.

Looks like you have to do it yourself today.

It'll be easy -- it looks like more movie ad complaints, more tax and city services complaints, more foreign versus domestic car nonsense, and someone moaning about Tiger Woods' apology.

Tuesday Talkback

2010-02-23T08:38:00.005-05:00

Just a quick talkback at those dreadful Monday Moaners:

"A giant moan should go to Time-Warner Cable, which managed to lose the entire three-hour live feed from the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show on Tuesday."
-- Hinckley

Roll up a newspaper and swat Time-Warner on the nose. Or go to a PUCO meeting (see below).

"I renewed my driver's license. I paid $18 for the exam, $2.75 for the visual, $1.50 for lamination and a $3.50 deputy fee for a grand total of $25.75. Why aren't these other costs included in the cost of the license? They sure know how to stick it to the people."
-- Seven Hills

I bet if the price of the license was simply $25.75, you (or someone like you) would moan about how there is no explanation as to where all this money is going, and boy it would be nice to have some sort of breakdown of the fee.

"Drive through any street in any city around Cuyahoga County and you will see nothing but holes -- potholes, cracks and ruts. I guess the only ones who have any money around here are the taxpayers."

-- Seven Hills

It is called WINTER. The snow / salt / freeze / rain process. You new to town?

"I heard on the news that the cost for an EMS to pick someone up for a life-or-death emergency will be $400. Between water and sewer, and all other utilities, how do they expect elderly people who are barely getting along to afford all that?"
-- Cleveland

This is the sort of service that you either need and use, or don't need and don't use. No one decides, hey, it would be fun to take an ambulance ride today. So the question is: should the service be priced at what it costs, or should it be priced at less than what it costs in the name of affordability. I am going to assume that $400 is what it costs to provide this service. Maybe it isn't -- but assuming it is, then who is supposed to pay for it, if not the person needing the service?

"I read about all these people on Thankful Thursday who buy meals for people at restaurants. Why don't they donate their money to a local food bank for people who can't afford to eat out at restaurants to have a good meal? It's always irritating to see people who are already at a restaurant having a meal bought for them by somebody else who is eating at the restaurant."
-- No city

Why don't YOU donate your money to a local food bank? Love it how some people always seem to have better ways to spend other people's money.

"I am being deprived of the joy of watching those wonderful, dedicated and talented Olympians because of the constant commentaries by the media motor mouths. The spotlight belongs on the athletes."
-- Olmsted Falls

My TV is super fancy -- it has this feature on it that TURNS DOWN THE SOUND. Maybe you should get one like that?

"I think the current members of the PUCO should resign and run with their tails between their legs. They are truly not fit to serve."
-- Berea

For some reason, this seems like a request that should be taken literally. I don't know why. Except that for some reason, it seems appropriate that the current members of PUCO would have tails. I can't say why.

"Regal Theatres have eliminated newspaper movie listings. So many of us prefer to use the newspaper for this information. Couldn't Regal just use the massive profits from their refreshment stands to subsidize this bit of service to the consumers."
-- Olmsted Falls

Again -- with moaners spending other people's money. The refreshment stand IS where movie houses make their money. They are counting on you to buy a $5 soft drink.

"The flower show at the I-X Center was a rip-off and they owe me money. I went to the show on Tuesday at 5 p.m. and paid full price for four tickets plus $8 parking. We walked into the show and found out that one-third of the vendors and exhibitors left at 3 p.m. in anticipation of a snowstorm. By 8 p.m. half of the booths were closed. The show was supposed to be open until 9 p.m."
-- No city

So with a snowstorm coming, you decided to go to the IX Center, and you are surprised that other people weren't as foolish as you, and because of that, you want your money back? I think you got exactly what you deserved.

"Commercial drivers are required to get fingerprinted in order to renew their hazardous material endorsements. Why are there fingerprinting facilities in Columbus and Cincinnati, but not Cleveland? Clevelanders must travel to Cuyahoga Falls or Geneva-on-the-Lake."
-- Brooklyn

Woohoo! Geneva-on-the-Lake! Usually when someone says something about going to Geneva-on-the-Lake and getting fingerprinted, there are a few steps they've skipped -- the winery, the bar, the fight in the street with the biker, the arrest, AND THEN the fingerprinting. Oh, and Eddie's Grill.

"After years of inconvenience, mess and millions of tax dollars spent, the recently resurfaced West 117th Street is crumbling away. Did we not get some kind of warranty?"
-- No city

Look in your wallet for the receipt.

"Because half of the local theater chains are no longer advertising show times in The Plain Dealer, we are stuck going through a maze simply trying to find out what is playing where and when it is playing. Phone messages are front-loaded with advertisements and it takes about five minutes to hear the information we need. This might produce the tipping point on deciding on whether or not to take the trouble to attend a new movie."
-- Cleveland Heights

Wow - the show times complaints -- is this an orchestrated effort or what?

"I went to the sportsman show on Sunday. What a disappointment. It had the atmosphere of a cheap carnival. If I needed a Shamwow or a new belt I could have gone to Wal-Mart for free. There were almost no major distributors showing their products."
-- Lyndhurst

More IX complaining. You know what I'd like to see at the IX Center in the future? A runway.

"To all of you who come to the I-X Center and then complain to the ticket sellers about the price of parking and admission: If you were going to the theater or a concert, wouldn't you check out prices beforehand? Why wait until you get to your destination and then complain."
-- Cleveland

I'm sorry, but I disagree. Paying to park at the IX is asinine. There is no reason to park at the IX except to go to the IX, and it isn't like the thing is in the middle of downtown. And some events, like the Auto Show, have (or at least had) free parking -- so if you charge to park just some of the time, it seems even more arbitrary. Further, is there really any other way to get to the IX but by car? You wouldn't walk to it. I don't recall seeing buses there - though I just may not have noticed them.

Now, if you build that runway, I could see paying to park there, just like the rest of the airport.

Tuesday Talkback

2010-02-16T07:32:00.002-05:00

Blah blah blah blah blah, talk back.

"One of our meteorologists stands out in the cold, shivers like crazy from the wind and the snow and refuses to wear a hat. It's really annoying. We all know we should wear a hat. Does he care that much about his hair?"
-- Avon

Funny thing about vanity -- strange that he might care what the likes of you might think about his hair.

"Again, leaders of the county transition team are meeting behind closed doors. Seems as though the more things change, the more they stay the same. Or is it business as usual?"
-- Middleburg Heights

Or meet the new boss, same as the old boss? Six of one, half dozen of the other? Pithy sayings and cliches instead of actual original statements and thoughts?

"Why don't the credit card companies stop sending all the advertising, blank checks and such in the mail? If they would stop wasting paper, and the ink to print, maybe our interest rates would go down. That would be saving a lot of money."
-- Cleveland Heights

If the credit card companies stopped marketing, your interest rates would not go down. Why don't you worry about saving your own money, instead of giving the credit card companies unsolicited advice on how to save their money? They seem to be doing quite alright.

"On the morning drive show on WMJI, why do they call it 'Lanigan and Malone' when Lanigan is never there? I've never seen anybody with that much vacation time in my life, so they shouldn't give him top billing on the show."
-- Brooklyn

People still listen to Lanigan? I guess not, if he is "never there."

"I thought Dan Gilbert was an OK guy before he took out the water fountains from The Q to sell us $4 bottles of Aquafina. Now he's in the same class with Dolan and Shapiro. I can't wait to see what his casinos have in store for us."
-- Bay Village

Gilbert has a long way to go to be the kind of cheap bastard that puts him in a class with Dolan.

"Why aren't the FBI and the attorney general cracking down on the corruption in Cuyahoga County? Why are they leaving the criminals in office and not doing anything about it? Are they waiting for them to retire and move to Arizona?"
-- Brecksville

Damn good question. What are they waiting for? And why doesn't this story get any national attention?

"My first thought that it wasn't such a bad idea that Tom Ganley was running for Senate. But after thinking it over, I don't think I want someone representing me who makes his living by selling foreign cars."
-- Middleburg Heights

Dis redd bluded 'merkin onlee voatz 4 teh 'merkin cah sellin polytish'ns. Hey, Middleburg, your local election is being held on Wednesday this year.

"I want the people who run the movie theaters to know that if it's too much trouble to advertise, I'll wait for the DVDs to come out and watch the movies at home."
-- Cleveland

Another person who can't be bothered to look up the movie times online. DVDs? What is this, 1999?

"To the gentleman who risked me T-boning him in the parking lot of Baker's Square in North Olmsted in order to beat me to a parking spot and then proceeded to cuss me out: Nice way to talk in front of your wife and two young children. Furthermore, how would you feel if someone talked to your daughter the way you talked to me? Karma, my friend. Karma."
-- Fairview Park

Did you go inside and smear pie in his face? Set his car on fire? OK, I can't recommend that you actually do that. But did you even say one word back to him? No, you called Monday Moaning. Instead of waiting for karma, you take care of it next time.

"There are no civil liberties being violated by traffic cameras. The only civil liberties that are being violated are by the drivers who run red lights, drive over the lawful speed limit and tailgate so that collisions occur when the vehicle in front follows the lawful traffic safety signs. My civil liberties are being violated every time a driver passes me going 15 to 20 miles an hour over the speed limit that I am driving. The ones I really hate are the ones that I see in my mirrors practically pushing me when I am already over the speed limit and in the right lane."
-- Richmond Heights

Another fine discourse by what certainly must be a Buick driver. Government monitoring is not a civil liberties issue, but you passing my pokey ass is.

"I'd like to thank the Ohio EPA for closing all of the E-check stations Saturday due to the weather. We got two to three inches of snow, not feet. It's winter in Cleveland, duh."
-- Lakewood

I'm flummoxed. If we're going to have the GD things, they ought not close them for much of anything.

"Regal Theaters by not advertising in PD have decided to discount the convenience and simplicity of publishing their programming. They have ignored the general public for money. We won't see their savings at the box office."
-- Olmsted Falls

I'm starting to think its the PD's ads dept that is moaning this week! See, look, the people are moaning, because you stopped buying ad space in our paper...

"RTA extends Euclid Avenue health line to University Circle. In other words, to where it serves people going to University Hospitals (and Case Western Reserve), not just the Cleveland Clinic and its parking lots, and will connect with two bus lines that end there, i.e., the way it used to be."
-- Tremont

Is this even a complete thought? Half a moan? A grunt? A digestive gurgle?

Tuesday Talkback

2010-02-09T06:31:00.007-05:00

Here are yesterday's moans. Talk back at them yourself. I've got a pain in my neck this morning far worse than any of these bozos.

But allow me to take a moment to agree with this guy:

"I have two words for the new Ohio license plate: God awful. I'll keep my old one before I put that plate on my car."
-- Garfield Heights

I appreciate what the designers were going for with the so called "Beautiful Ohio" license plate -- that Ohio is both an urban place and rural place.

Up close, it is kinda nice.

But that is completely lost once you mount the plate on the back of a car.

When I drive by one of these new plates on the street, it looks like someone used a blue and white dish towel to sop up a coffee spill.

I don't see the generic city skyline or the bucolic barn -- I see a dirty dishrag. No city, no barn, no Wright Brothers plane flying much higher in the sky than the real thing ever did -- just a swirl of blue, white, and faded gold.

And the sun rays (or the "coffee" part) also sort of looks like a rust spot -- not up close, but just riding by. I guess no one learned anything from those "pre-rusted" plates a few years back. Remember those?

Who who, who who! I really wanna knowwww!

And, if you didn't notice, we're still hanging onto that "Birthplace of Aviation" canard. Only one of the Wright Brothers was born in Ohio, and the plane itself flew in Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.

When Ohio wanted the US Mint to put that canard on the Ohio coin, it didn't pass the mint's sniff test.

The mint modified it to "Birthplace of Aviation Pioneers" -- which is far closer to legitimate --especially when you add the astronaut figure, seeing as Neil Armstrong was born in Wapakoneta and John Glenn in Cambridge.

You know what else is missing from the "Beautiful Ohio" plates? Ohio is cities, yes, and Ohio is farms, yes, but Ohio is also ... INDUSTRY! Woohoo! Where are the smokestacks on that plate? Oh, I suppose we don't want to celebrate that. But if you need a reminder, here is a list of Ohio's superfund sites. Yeah, guess that doesn't fit the "Beautiful" motif.

For now, I'm going to see how long I can avoid getting a Beautiful Ohio dirty dishtowel for my car. Maybe only until the real rust on my old plate looks worse than the simulated rust on the new plate. A rusty license plate to remind us all of the epithet that we live in the "rust belt" -- an epithet Governor Strickland specifically attacked in his State of the State address. Too bad he didn't attack it before the state approved the new license plate design.

Tuesday Talkback

2010-02-02T08:03:00.005-05:00

Moan, talkback, repeat.

"Government can't solve our problems, since government is the problem. The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help. These words surely describe the far-left liberal President Barack Obama. Those prophetic words are from Ronald Reagan."
-- No city

How cute, someone has a Reagan fetish. If those are the most terrifying words you've heard in English, you need to get out of the bunker a little more often.

But as long as you have crowned Reagan your prophet, and deemed his words to be prophetic, here is Reagan on another subject, in 1988:

The United States participated actively and effectively in the negotiation of the Convention . It marks a significant step in the development during this century of international measures against torture and other inhuman treatment or punishment. Ratification of the Convention by the United States will clearly express United States opposition to torture, an abhorrent practice unfortunately still prevalent in the world today.

The core provisions of the Convention establish a regime for international cooperation in the criminal prosecution of torturers relying on so-called "universal jurisdiction." Each State Party is required either to prosecute torturers who are found in its territory or to extradite them to other countries for prosecution.

As is evident from his signing statement, Reagan was not only against torture, but was against inhumane treatment or punishment -- he didn't want the word "torture" nuanced and twisted to have no meaning. If you mistreat people in captivity, torture or anything like it, you are to be prosecuted. So. When are the Reagan-acolytes going to demand that our so-called far left president prosecute the criminals in the Bush-Cheney administration for their so-called enhanced interrogation programs, or in the alternative, demand their extradition to a country that will prosecute them?

"To the person who stole my son's iPod Touch while he was wrestling in a championship finals: Thank you. You just ruined a champion's heart. You must really be a loser."
-- Brook Park

Who brings an iPod Touch to a wrestling championship? Especially if you are a participant? I don't condone theft, but that's stupid.

"To all you people who thought Toyota was such high-off-the-hog cars: They have been buffaloing you for years. It's just another foreign car."
-- Medina

Just another foreign car... Like Hyundai -- who's kicking ass now. Whoops!

"I guess some cities like Cleveland and Cleveland Heights are grasping at any way they can to rip people off. You can only put the garbage out at a certain time. Now if you put the garbage a little early you will be fined. I usually put mine out around 4 p.m. I suffer with fibromyalgia and to put it out at night or in the early morning, I'm not at my best physically."
-- Cleveland Heights

That's nothing new. I lived in the Cleveland Heights for awhile, and someone dropped an old air conditioner on my tree lawn in the middle of the afternoon before garbage day and I got a warning letter from the city that if I did that again, I'd get a fine. My point is: this has been goig on for awhile. And if there weren't such a problem with people acting like pigs, tossing their trash everywhere, they wouldn't need to do this. So, call your member of council, and then hire the neighbor kid to take out your trash and shovel your snow.

"Parking tickets on Sunday at the churches along East 105th Street? Surely the police of Cleveland could find some better work to do than doing that to people who want to worship."
-- Cleveland

So, just because you are going to church, you don't have to follow the law? No wonder so many criminals find Jesus in prison.

"$100 million to an island and I can't get my income tax check or answers from the IRS?"
-- Bedford

I got a call for you. Your check is waiting for you in Haiti. All you need to do is swing by Port-au-Prince and pick it up.

Porcupine Tree Tour Forum

2010-01-30T09:30:00.004-05:00

Announcing! The new Porcupine Tree Tour Forum:

www.ptreeforum.com

Brought to you by the same fine folks who brought you the rushtour.com forum.

Check it out!

Tuesday Talkback

2010-01-26T07:59:00.006-05:00

These moaners have a fever, and the only prescription is more talkback.

"This would be a better world if Noah would have left only one Republican for the ark."
-- Willoughby

This would be a better world -- without dissent. Nice. Without the party of Lincoln. Fantastic. Without the party of Strom Thurmond. Oh, well both parties would be gone then. Without Glenn Beck. Oh, well, um... got me there.

"Isn't it about time the politicians do what's right for the country and not their party? The way it's going now one party could have a cure for cancer and the other party would veto it."
-- Cleveland

Somehow America became the greatest country in the world having, throughout most of its history, a two party political system. And let's be fair here -- if one party did have the cure for cancer, the other wouldn't veto it -- instead they'd just spend a lot of money and effort convincing people that having cancer is an essential part of freedom. The Founding Fathers didn't have a cure for cancer, after all.

"Everybody is trying to pass laws about people using cell phones and texting. Yet at the auto show for 2010 you can get computers in your dashboard. I don't get it."
-- No city

For the same reason we have speed limits and make cars that exceed them -- the auto manufacturers are giving us what we want.

"More red lights should be blinking after 11 p.m. We could save a lot of gas not sitting at some of these lights."
-- Cleveland

I don't know how much gas you'll save -- if you are going to come to a complete stop before proceeding. But being a sitting target on an empty street late at night in a bad part of town seems like a better reason. And also just to save time. Of course, blinking red lights would probably cut into the revenue for the city -- so we can't have that.

"I was disgusted to read The Plan Dealer article regarding Prashant Chopra's probation for failing to register as a sexual predator. Frankie Goldberg is right: 'No one is above the law.' Judge Stuart Friedman likens his failure to register as sexual predator to 'forgetting to send a relative a birthday card.' Friedman's decision to let Chopra remain free was 'based on fairness, not special treatment.' I don't think so. As a mother of four children, this article really hit me hard. Why do judges such as Friedman refuse to protect our children?"
-- Westlake

Here is the article. Are judges obligated to child-proof the world? This guy was convicted as a result of a sting operation. No actual child was hurt. According to the article, this guy moved from Cleveland Heights to the Warehouse District downtown -- and nowhere near Westlake. If this guy were coming for your kids in Westlake, what is registering his present address downtown going to change? The law, such as it is, should be followed -- but think, Westlake moaner.

"Regarding the article about Bill Mason and his 'former' employee: So, Bill Mason sees no ethical problem with an ex-employee receiving over $1 million in no-bid contracts? Just how is anyone to believe that this wasn't more of the pay-to-play corruption that has stymied this county? This, coupled with the article a few months back where Bill Mason's current employees have 'contributed' over $100,000 to his campaign, smells of corruption [and] back-door politics."
-- Cleveland Heights

I'm not going to tell you I know something more or something better than what has already been publicly released. But I will say this: there is a saying that friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. When you are in public office, especially a high profile office, and especially an office whose very role is to go after crime and corruption, anything that tarnishes your image, especially something that is self-inflicted, that too will accumulate. It stains you and you wear that stain till the electorate turns to someone fresh and new.

"Why is the United States Marine Corps sponsoring NBA games on television? Could the money be better spent to help veterans and their families?"
-- Bay Village

No. It is called marketing. They need fresh blood.

"With a 6-to-1 ratio of unemployed vs. jobs available, why is anybody (Sen. George Voinovich and others) talking once again about raising the age you can collect Social Security? Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. The young begrudge us our jobs. The government begrudges us our Social Security. All wrapped up in a recession that forces early retirement and financial ruin."
-- Euclid

Want to rethink those death panels, anyone? Just for this moaner?

Social security was never a retirement plan. It was only supposed to keep the oldest among us, those whose long lives exceeded the typical life span yet were physically unable to labor, from being completely destitute.

Tuesday Talkback

2010-01-19T10:30:00.001-05:00

A later edition, but still talking back to those Monday Moaners.

"I want to moan about the most powerful radio station we have in the Cleveland area where a talk show host just decided yesterday that we should not contribute to the Haiti disaster. He thinks we should contribute to local funds. At a time like this when we are seeing all the tragic things in Haiti, it is a time when we should all do what we can to help those people, and be thankful for what we have."
-- Avon

Triv needs to hang it up. I wrote an extensive comment about that on WTAM's message board, and it has received little response. But there doesn't seem to be much traffic over there -- mostly just Gary the Numbers Guy flaming everyone who disagrees with him and his numerology. More on the sad state of local radio below.

"I am so tired of neighbors who are so selfish that they can't extend some help for elderly people removing their snow."
-- Middleburg Heights

Shoveling your elderly neighbor's snow is a fine thing to do. Your elderly neighbor getting an uppity feeling of entitlement over getting his or her snow shoveled by you is not so fine. Grandpa Grouch here scared off his grandkids, and now wants his neighbors to shovel his snow -- but if you do, you better stay off his lawn.

"I wish a few TV meteorologists would learn how to dress professionally. The men do a terrific job, with shirt, tie and jackets. There are a few women who like to wear miniskirts, and how can we concentrate on the forecast when that's what they are wearing?"
-- Avon

There is a storm brewing. In this guy's pants. And did you feel that? It was a low, coming from this blog.

"I wish charities would stop sending me the return address labels and other items. When I donate to a charity, I don't expect something in return to me. This is a waste on their part. The other day I got four solicitations in my mail. I can't contribute to everyone who sends me things."
-- Seven Hills

Yet if these charities send out nothing to market themselves, they get forgotten. They do it because it works.

"Why can't the cemeteries in the Greater Cleveland area and in Northeast Ohio have a computer like the Ohio Western Reserve National Cemetery in Rittman has? You just put in the person's name and it tells you the lot number and the section. It's so easy and so convenient."
-- Seven Hills

Why stop there? How about webcams, so we can safely watch the zombies?

"Pat Robertson is an idiot for saying that the Haitian earthquake disaster was caused by a deal between the devil with the Haitian people."
-- North Olmsted

Pat Robertson is an idiot for many other reasons besides that, and he is followed by idiots who throw money at him every time he spouts off.

"I'm just wondering what exactly are Republicans in Congress doing? Other than wringing their hands and lamenting their 2008 losses instead of rolling up their sleeves and working toward solving the U.S. financial and real estate problems, the majority of which were caused by the actions or the lack of action by the previous Republican administration."
-- Strongsville

I guess we'll see today whether stonewalling is a better strategy than governing. And by governing, I mean infighting amongst yourselves about how to go about taking up a cause that, in principle, most people generally agree with working on, but fucking it up to such the nth degree that no one can be happy with the end result. It may turn out that the ultimate death panel will convene after today's special election, flanked by a newly elected Senator Brown, to euthanize this generation's efforts at health care reform. And don't be too quick to gloat, Republicans -- remember how Clinton made it work for him.

"It's outrageous enough that the Northeast Sewer District charges us double for the same water when our usage goes over 1.000 MCF's -- $24.78 per .1MCF. Now, they want to charge us for the free stuff that falls from the sky. When will the gouging stop? Whose pockets are these millions of dollars going into?"
-- Cleveland

It seems like the Water and Sewer district will charge whatever they need to charge to meet their budgetary goals, regardless of usage. Conservation is rewarded with higher charges, usage is reward with higher charges. Invest in a rain barrel and a crate of Febreze.

"I would like to send a message to every tall person who blocks my view at a concert and movie theater and uses their cell cameras to constantly take pictures instead of enjoying the live performance. Get a life: Turn off your camera, and look behind you to see if there is something you can do not to block the view of us little people."
-- Olmsted Township

All you tall people, slouch! All you short people, stretch! As part of the vertically advantaged, what can I say, but ...grow? *sigh* that is one of the problems with General Admission, unless you are tall.

"To the two young ladies sitting behind my wife and me at the Cleveland Orchestra concert on Saturday night: Please show respect for your fellow concertgoers and remain silent while the orchestra is performing. If you absolutely must continue to talk during a concert, even in a whisper, show some courtesy to those around you and remain in the lobby until you're ready to sit quietly and listen. Or, better yet, just stay home and talk."
-- Lyndhurst

I hope this person actually DID something about it rather than sit there through the whole show and be miserable. The wife and I had words on Christmas Day with a young lady and her mother at the movie theater as the young lady kept playing with her cell phone, despite the specific announcements in the theater that all phones were to be off. The mother's response was "It's Christmas!" and "you can move if you have a problem with her phone." My response was to get the usher. "It's Christmas!" Really. She said that. It's Christmas, so my undisciplined devil spawn can be rude and break the theater's rules. The usher made it clear that if I had to get him again, they were out. Merry Christmas.

"The weather has been bad the last several days -- cloudy, snowy with low visibility. I never cease to be amazed at how many folks are driving without headlights. Headlights need to be on, not only to see, but to be seen."
-- Brunswick

If you can't see them, how did you see that they couldn't be seen...? OK, ok, this person has a point. Thanks, Safety Dog.

"In response to a gripe regarding the two men shredding Christmas trees along Pearl Road in Strongsville on Dec. 23. I happen to be one of those gentlemen that was working there that day, regrettably doing a job that I was hired to do, even though I didn't agree with what was taking place. I, too, wished the owner would have drastically reduced his prices or better yet donated the remaining trees to a charity. I'm sure a lot of hard-working families wished that they could have enjoyed one of those trees that were so selfishly destroyed. That guy better watch out next Christmas, for that karma bus will be traveling through Strongsville."
-- Strongsville

You just can't get good help these days. You hire some chump to clean up, they moan about it in the paper. Love it.

"Whatever happened to integrity in local support? A number of local Cleveland bands earned the right to go to a competition in Nashville, Tenn. These bands had to hold fund-raising drives through the clubs where they play, which means the patrons who support them on a regular basis (cover charges, buying the bands' CDs, album releases, etc.) again have to come to the rescue. What happened to local commercial radio? The local commercial radio stations have done nothing to support these bands -- no contributions to help defray the travel costs, no airplay of their music, no mention of where to go see the bands -- with the exception of Cleveland college radio. Cleveland likes to still call itself the rock 'n' roll capital of the world. Based on the mentality of local commercial radio, it's a wonder they have any rating at all. You all should get your act together and support locally"
-- Euclid

And that's what makes college radio great.

"What some people don't realize is that Simon Cowell is uniquely qualified to judge on 'American Idol.' While his comments may be harsh, they are right on. The net result was Cowell made talented contestants work harder. The psychology of the challenge to do better works. Let's hope 'Idol' finds someone of Cowell's ilk. Otherwise (with the exception of Randy Jackson), it could be boring."
-- Cleveland

Is this world really so short of catty, bitchy, Englishmen? I'm quite confident there is a robust supply.

"I am completely amazed when I read the paper and see negative stories, editorials and comments regarding the pay, benefits and pensions of teachers, police and firefighters. These hard-working people are criticized for being a drain on the taxpayers and having inflated perks and pay for what they do. Yet, no one ever comments about the sports figures who work maybe four months a year, receive enormous salaries for playing a game and play those games in taxpayer-subsidized palaces. These so-called role models can take drugs, steal, assault people, etc., and they are placed on a pedestal by society. Something is seriously wrong in America when this is what we place value upon."
-- Aurora

I generally agree with the overall point, but I have to burst this one bubble. There are plenty of teachers, cops, and firefighters who take drugs, steal, and assault people. You don't have to play a child's game with a ball to be a reprobate.

Tuesday Talkback

2010-01-12T08:07:00.005-05:00

Time to talk back to more moaners.

"A bah humbug to the two gentlemen on the side of Ohio 42 in Strongsville who were shredding Christmas trees on Dec. 23 at 2 p.m. to close up their business. Could they be so money hungry or hard-hearted that they would rather shred Christmas trees than to give them to needy families or a shelter to distribute? I hope they have a change of heart this year." -- Cleveland

It sure is easy to tell someone else how to conduct their business -- so, allow me. If you really thought that giving away all of those unsold Christmas trees to a shelter or to charity was such as good idea, why didn't you buy the trees yourself? You could have bid on the whole lot. You could have loaded them on a truck. You could have searched, on the afternoon of the 23rd, for a charity that would accept a truckload of unsold Christmas trees for distribution. Too much work for you? Don't want to spend your money on your great idea? Well, then bah humbug to you!

"Why do we celebrate New Year's? It's just a calendar change." -- Cleveland

Why do we celebrate anything? A birthday? Just a year older. An anniversary just marks another year of bliss or misery. No one says you have to celebrate at all.

"It's very sad about our state of academics. Last week's 'Academic Challenge' featuring the slightest students. They didn't know the authors of certain books by Washington Irving and Ernest Hemingway. Very sad." -- Lorain

Perhaps students don't need to know about their books for the proficiency test.

"If the residents of Nebraska are so outraged and embarrassed because their senators got them that exemption on the Medicaid health care bill, why don't they just refuse it and go on and pay it like everyone else has to do? They can vote to rescind, it can't they?" -- Cleveland

I highly doubt that Nebraska's exemption will make it to the final bill.

"To the person who wanted to put a logo on the Browns helmets: They had one in the late '40s on their programs. It was called a Brownie." -- No city

The Browns have a logo: the plain orange helmet with brown and white stripe, and gray facemask. I think it'd be kind of amusing, just once, to send the team out in helmets with an image of an orange helmet on the sides of their orange helmets.

"It's amazing that we can send billions upon billions of dollars all over the world. Now they are talking about sending Yemen billions to fight the terrorists. Billions and billions of dollars for the war. And the people on Social Security can't even get a small raise. What a country." -- No city

Yes, I suppose it is true, that money spent abroad is money not spent at home. That money spent on one thing is not spent on something else. That money spent on wars and to fight terrorists isn't spent on the welfare of seniors. And that all of it comes out of our pockets and the pockets of our children and their children. And it goes into the pockets of interests whose business is made by waging war, who have better lobbyists than you. What else is new?

"As a taxpayer of Northeast Ohio, I demand -- demand -- that my tax money stop going to pay double-dipping politicians. That is unconscionable. I want it stopped." -- Bay Village

Then as a voter, stop voting for politicians who stick around long enough to double dip, and barring that, vote them out when they do.

Tuesday Talkback

2010-01-05T07:48:00.002-05:00

A new decade is here. But the Monday moaners keep moaning, and I'm ready to talk back.

“When I worked at a company in Bedford years ago, the IT manager managed to get himself promoted several times and not just because he was efficient at his job. It’s because he delegated a good portion of his day combing through the system, seeing who was sending e-mails, what types of things that were being searched on the Internet and when he brought this to management, there were four employees over the course of eight months that lost their jobs. All you can say is, employee beware.” -- Bedford

So, all those years ago, the IT guy found you searching ebay for high heels in a Mens 13D? Or was it your emails to the latin shemale on backpage? I'm not making judgments, but ... on company time? And years later, still unemployed, and now phoning it in to Monday Moaning? Don't look back in anger, not even at the IT guy who busted you. It'll put worry lines all over your pretty little face.

“Hey, homeowners, believe it or not there are still some of us that like to walk. And sidewalks that are clear of ice and snow would be a great help. Maybe that would have prevented the unfortunate death of that girl in Ashtabula. And I’m not talking about the seniors. I’m talking about the 20-, 30- and 40-year-olds that are fully capable of doing it. Please clear your walks of snow and ice.” -- No city

So... you would exempt the seniors from clearing their walks, but anyone 20 to 40 has to get out and shovel theirs? Well, that's not very helpful, is it? Do you really think that if anyone over the age of 40 doesn't shovel that this will keep the kids from walking in the street, and keep the drunks from driving their SUVs in to them? C'mon. Take a stand. Make granny go out and shovel, and tell her if she doesn't that more children will die. Sick. Better yet, why don't you go shovel her walk for her, and lead by example instead of whining.

“I am sick and tired of these agencies not sharing information, especially when it pertains to security. I think a new rule should be that anything sent to one should be copied to the other one. Happy New Year, if we live that long.” -- Cleveland

"Anything sent to one will be copied to the other one." Just one other one? Do you realize what you are asking for here? And how are you going to enforce this? Have a tip? Notify ALLLLL these agencies.

What I'm sick and tired of are these people who think that if one person dies or get hurt, or indeed, if one plane goes down, that the whole system collapses into failure. That the only way we have "safety" is if we eliminate the slightest possibility of any injuries or fatalities. Forget about flying -- if I were you, I'd not only not fly, but I wouldn't drive either. Did you know that in this country, in the first six months of last year, 16,626 people died in our streets? And that was a decrease from the year before? But you know how apeshit this country would turn if 16,626 Americans were killed in terrorist attacks instead of car accidents. But dead is dead. And you are far more likely to be killed by a middle aged woman in a white SUV who clips you while you are walking down the street, than by a religious zealot with a bomb in his shorts.

“My moan is for the people that call the talk show hosts Mike Trivisonno or Rush Limbaugh and say what a pleasure it is to speak to them and fall all over the host. That’s sickening. Get a life.” -- Cleveland

And yet you tune in and listen. Get a life indeed.

“My moan is with my cell phone company, which wants to charge $1.50 per month for receiving a paper bill. I think that is ridiculous.” -- Parma Heights

For those of you a decade into the new century and still paying bills via snail mail, if the 44 cent postage was not a deterrent, then go right ahead and pay the $1.50 for the more inefficient and resource consuming method of paying your bills. I bet you still use phone books too. How quaint and precious.

“I’m through saying thank you. Definitely through with thank you. All everyone’s response is ‘No problem.’ Was there a problem to begin with? Thank you very much. No problem.” -- Cleveland

Indeed there was a problem, but they were too kind to tell you directly. And after having dealt with you was there then, and only then, no problem. You're welcome.

“Why is it that the taxpaying Ohio residents will have to pay for Nebraska’s Medicaid expenses forever according to the new health care bill? Why didn’t our Ohio Democrat Sen. Sherrod Brown extract special treats for Ohio in exchange for his vote like so many other senators were able to do?” -- Medina

Why didn't Ohio's other senator get with the program and help come up with a better bill?

“I am a patient at the Ireland Cancer Center at the Chagrin Highlands location. There is an area that is for cancer patients to park. Many people park there that are not using the cancer center. I have even witnessed drug reps using these spaces, forcing cancer patients to park far away. There is a reason for these spaces. Most people with brains and common sense can figure out why these spaces are close to the building.” -- Northfield Center

Even drug reps. Drug reps. Those paragons if virtue. You think the drug reps care about you? Seriously? I don't want to be too hard on a cancer patient here, but ... drug reps!

“To the Brunswick writer who moaned last Monday about Americans who buy foreign cars: I own a Toyota. My car was manufactured in the United States by American autoworkers. Before you call us ‘idiots,’ please take the time to check the window stickers on any so-called American car. Look carefully at where that vehicle was manufactured. Dollars to doughnuts it was made in Mexico or Canada by Mexicans or Canadians.” -- Twinsburg

I can ignore Monday Moaning for months or years, but the stock moans about buying American versus foreign cars never go away. Here's something for you: cars, domestic or foreign, kill! Whether an American made car kills you in Oklahoma City, or a foreign made car tries to kill you in Detroit...

Happy New Year to you, from Audient and Tuesday Talkback. Cheers!

To Saturn and Back

2009-06-01T21:57:00.003-04:00

Mrs. Fabrizio stood at the front of our eighth grade class and told us she was setting aside our regular lessons. The UAW local asked the English teachers to make a special assignment.

“The union wants you to write letters to GM.”

A classroom full of the children of unemployed laborers gave her, perhaps for the first time, their undivided attention. The union! Letters to GM! From us!

As one of the few kids without an unemployed father at home, without a man with a sweat-stained shirt, stinking of Kools and Iron City, it was another one of those Youngstown moments where I knew that I wasn’t really a part of what was around me.

“GM is building a new car. It isn’t supposed to be like the others.”

This sounded promising. The last car we bought was a Subaru. This was after the catalytic converter in the family’s ’75 Buick Century had burned a hole through the floorboard.

“A new car?”

“Yes, GM is starting a new division.” And I heard the name Saturn for the first time.

The union wanted us to write letters to GM Chairman Roger Smith, asking that he locate the new Saturn factory in Youngstown. Nothing says pathos like a bag full of letters from kids, begging for jobs for their families.

“Tonight, go home, talk to your parents, and write a letter to Mr. Smith, explaining why GM should build the plant here.”

That night, I brought it to my mom. As I explained the assignment, I could see her processing once again her decision to take the larger apartment on the south side of the city proper, instead of the smaller apartment in Boardman. You’ll be the poor kids if we’re in Boardman. But living in Youngstown, we were still the outsiders – the only new kids in our classes.

I interrupted my mother’s silent brooding.

“Mom, what should I write? I don’t want to work in a car factory.”

“Don’t you think it would be good for the city if there were new jobs here?”

I thought about Joe’s dad, three doors down, and his perpetual stupor since being laid off from the steel mill.

“Yeah.”

“Write about that.”

After dinner, I went to the small school desk in my room, and tried to write a sincere letter to Mr. Smith. I couldn’t rightly beg for a job for my dad, but I could tell him that the people here want to work, that they would be grateful for the opportunity, and that I hoped he would consider Youngstown for Saturn.

Saturn! It didn’t even sound like a car. It just sounded like someone’s idea of something futuristic and cool -- someone whose vision of futuristic and cool was dully limited to the immediate solar system. The one with the rings. Saturn. Yeah, reach for the stars! Or maybe just a planet. What kind of a name for a car was that? Oldsmobile – that’s a name.

The next day in class, Mrs. Fabrizio asked if anyone would like to read their letters. Matt never spoke in class, and not only had I never seen him raise his hand before, I hadn’t seen anyone raise his hand so fast.

He read his letter with determination. He wasn’t a great reader, but it was a righteous effort. Please Mr. Smith. Please bring Saturn to Youngstown. I would like my dad to have a job, and I would like to have a job someday.

I didn’t volunteer to read my letter. Not after Matt’s letter. I imagined Matt’s dad sobering up enough to help him write it. Or not.

Mrs. Fabrizio collected our letters and told us that she was delivering them to the union hall. They would mail them to Mr. Smith. Her face was brave, as if she didn’t want to betray that she already knew that this really wouldn’t make a difference.

It wasn’t mentioned again until after winter break, when someone broke the news in class that the new Saturn plant would be in Tennessee. Someone else added that her dad had said that Tennessee was a right to work state, and that the unions were too strong here. I didn’t know then what that meant. I only wondered how it could be that the unions were really so strong, when there weren’t any jobs here anymore.

Twenty-five years later, GM is in bankruptcy. And the Saturn brand – the brand that was supposed to be GM’s new way, the way the Japanese made cars, a “different kind of car company” – stands to be retired or sold. And if that Saturn plant had gone to Youngstown, it would now be the latest chapter in that sad city’s lingering demise. And Matt would be out of a job. Mrs. Fabrizio was right. It really didn't make a difference. Not then. Not now.

The Law Office of Michael Dylan Brennan, LLC

2009-05-13T14:41:00.008-04:00

Ohiolegalcounsel.com is the home of The Law Office of Michael Dylan Brennan, LLC.

CLICK HERE to visit the law office website.

Let's Get Us Some High Speed Stimulus!

2009-02-19T15:16:00.003-05:00

Tip of the hat to Yglesias...

Apparently the stimulus bill includes $2 billion (and perhaps more) for grants to build high speed rail in the Federal Railroad Administrations designated high speed rail corridors:

The Stimulus Plan includes provisions modeled after the High-Speed Rail for America Act (the Act), introduced by Senators John Kerry and Arlen Specter on November 19, 2008, to bring American rail infrastructure up-to-date with current world standards. Specifically, the Stimulus Plan provides $2 billion for rail projects related to trains reaching at least 110 miles per hour and exempts interest incurred from private activity bonds for high-speed rail from the Alternative Minimum Tax. By providing this tax incentive, the Stimulus Plan will promote public-private partnerships (P3s) between government agencies and private sector companies by giving them a financing vehicle to access the tax-exempt capital markets.

source

The FRA's dedicated high speed rail corridors include ...

...wait for it...

Cleveland - Columbus - Cincinnati

and

Cleveland - Toledo - Chicago

and

Cincinnati - Indianapolis - Chicago

Really! Here's the map:

Can we muster up the kind of dogged determination (like we did to build the Euclid Corridor Project) to secure these federal funds and build high speed rail through Ohio's three largest cities, and onward to Toledo and Chicago?

This could be huge project for Ohio. To design it, build it, maintain it -- and not the least of all, to RIDE it. Will we do it? If not, why not? There are lots of other high speed rail corridors -- we can build this, or sit back and watch others build theirs and then kick ourselves for missing the ~~boat~~ train.

Under Construction

2009-02-09T16:20:00.002-05:00

My new law practice's website is under construction, but here is the URL:

http://www.ohiolegalcounsel.com/

The placeholder up there now has my street address, phone number, etc.

I am open, seeing clients and taking cases.

Reanimation

2009-02-03T00:26:00.004-05:00

I'm back. And it is great to be back.

I took down The Audient Files last May because I was exploring my career options. I looked at moving to Columbus, I looked at staying in Cleveland. I looked at going to another law firm, I looked at going in-house with a corporate legal department. I took down my old blog and all of its archives because I didn't want to offer up my occasionally crass observations as representative of what I am all about. Even though at times it may well have been reasonably accurate.

Over the holidays, I did some serious soul searching. I had applied to various places (both in Cleveland and Columbus), had interviews, had opportunities presented to me, and none of them were suitable. And I realized that it was because none of it was what I wanted. I really didn't want to work in-house for an insurance company, or toil away thanklessly as an associate making some other guy look good. What I wanted, what I have always wanted, was to practice law on my own.

Back in 1999, I left a firm where I'd been an associate for over two years because I was restless. I printed up business cards, opened bank accounts, got some file cabinets, and started scaring up some cases. I'd been at it for a couple of weeks when I was approached by a law clerk of a local judge who was looking for her next law clerk. I met with the judge, and she offered me the position. I liked her, and it was too good an opportunity to pass up. Besides, I'd been an attorney for barely three years, and I thought this would be a great way to grow professionally – and it was.

When I finished my term at the court, I did what most outgoing law clerks/staff attorneys do: I parlayed my experience at the court into an associate position at a reputable law firm. At the time, it did seem like the right thing to do. And it worked for me for awhile. But ultimately, I knew that my head and heart were elsewhere.

Which brings me back to that holiday soul searching. I was only 24 when I sat for the bar, and I've been that young kid attorney now for about a third of my life. And while I've done some wonderful things, things I'm proud of, things that helped some people who really needed help, I realized that I had fallen into a bit of a rut. And that if I wanted to reach the next level, I was going to have to leave the relative safety and shelter of the law firm and once again do what I had originally set out to do almost ten years ago: hang up my own shingle.

I thought about the bad economy. Why not wait for a sunnier day? But the truth is, I could always have found reasons to wait. Other times, it was some big case that was going to trial that I wanted to see through, or some such thing. I decided that there was no better time than now – for if not now, when? In another ten years? Or would I wait till I had tuition bills to pay for the kids? Or to have a sick parent in a nursing home? No, there is no better time than the present, the now, to live the life I want.

The difference now is that I have so much more experience than when I first tried this. I have the support of my wife and family. I have a small (and hopefully soon to be growing) group of great clients. And most of all, I have never felt better, and cannot ever remember being more invigorated about the practice of law than I am now. For years I wrote this blog as a side project. I kept my name off of it because I thought that I needed to keep a separate identity from my professional life. That ends now. And whether you know me as "Audient" – the one who listens (and sometimes rants) – or if you know me as Michael Dylan Brennan, attorney at law – the one who listens, solves problems, and seeks justice – this is who I am, who I've been, and who I will be.

Suspended Animation

2008-05-27T23:36:00.000-04:00

I started The Audient Files three years ago this month. Blogging has brought me much joy and satisfaction. I've met wonderful people, not the least of whom is Gina. I've reconnected with old friends. I've expressed myself in short and at length for not only myself, but also for anyone interested in reading. In light of all that, why would I stop?

But . . .

There are some other things I want to focus on now. Things that require that my attention be less divided. Once I have addressed those things, perhaps I may be back. It might be a few weeks or a few months, but it might be longer. It is also possible that I might not ever look back.

But until that time that I want to pick up blogging again, the archives are archived away, and new posts will not be forthcoming any time soon. The archives are stashed away because I don't really want to leave a large graveyard to attract visitors. Those of you still writing your blogs, I intend to read them, I intend to comment now and then. As you can see, I've changed up my template a bit, but my list of various blogs I enjoy is still off to the right, largely unchanged -- this is somewhat for my own convenience, but also for those of you who visit here to run through those links.

2/3/09 -- Archives are back up!

Jet Jaguar

2008-05-20T16:19:00.001-04:00

Mike Carrel's got a new band, Jet Jaguar, and they play their first gig this Saturday at the Full Force Rock Shop in Seven Hills.

The band has worked up about 55 cover songs, some of them are listed here. Jet Jaguar is a five piece guitar rock band, featuring a selection of modern/extreme rock songs.

The Full Force Rock Shop is located at 7835 Broadview Road between Pleasant Valley and Sprague Roads on the east side of Broadview in Seven Hills.

Show starts at 9pm. Hope to see you there!

3 Day Fundraiser for a Cure for Breast Cancer

2008-05-20T14:41:00.001-04:00

Gina and I will be there this Friday.

Details HERE.

Tuesday Talkback

2008-05-20T05:46:00.002-04:00

Do I hear sheep? Or just moans? And I'm talking back.

"Those three students who refused to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance should be sent to China for a year to go to school. I guarantee they'd stand on their heads if they were requested to do so." - Parma Heights

Yes, let's intimidate the youth into saluting the flag, because that pledge will be made with such sincerity. While we're at it, let's make the little bastards pray, and if they refuse, we'll send them to Iran.

"The people who pay for their groceries with food stamps while they are talking on their very expensive cell phones." - Valley View

Hasn't the mobile phone long ceased being a luxury item? There are plenty of mobile phone plans that are cheaper than a land line.

"The stupid people who let their small children loose at the buffet table. Please read the signs. They handle the silverware and all the food and leave a mess. It's disgusting." - Cleveland

Oh, because the buffet wasn't disgusting till those kids came along, right.

"Re: the person complaining about shopping carts in parking lots. The stores give the handicapped a place to park close up, but they don't give us a place to put our carts close up. If I could walk to replace the cart, I wouldn't need a close-up parking place!" - Olmsted Falls

I'm at a bit of a loss here. Somehow you manage to get around inside the grocery store, up and down all of those long aisles, but you can't push a cart 30 feet to return it when you are done with it? And I notice that many larger stores have special carts you can ride so you don't have to push them -- and I assume that these aren't the carts being left out in the lot. Is it possible that you used every last bit of energy walking around the store that, by the time you get back to your car, you just didn't have enough energy left to return the cart? Or is it possible that you have developed such a sense of entitlement that you feel that the rules the rest of us live by simply don't apply to you?

See You Later, Loan Shark

2008-05-19T15:41:00.001-04:00

Payday Lender to Exit Ohio

Good. Fuck 'em.

Because a new state law capping the payday loans APR to 28% just ain't worth knee-capping the working poor over.

Check Into Cash said the closure of the 93 centers will result in a loss of jobs for some 220 employees and the abandonment of 143,000 square feet of retail and office space. Though it plans to cease payday lending in the state, Check into Cash said it's "exploring other short-term credit products and loan alternatives in hopes of being able to continue offering some type of viable product and service to its customers."

Coming to a back alley near you?

HOT D

2008-05-19T11:35:00.001-04:00

The other day at Johnny's on Fulton, I had maybe the best bloody mary I'd ever had.

The bartender revealed that the mix they were using was something made locally.

HOT D -- which is supposed to stand for "Hair Of The Dog."

No HFCS as it is sweetened with honey, and it has a little taurine and caffeine in it.

I see one can order it online, but I understand it is sold at West Side Market as well.

Rite of Spring: Yellow Book, Yer All Wet

2008-05-15T09:03:00.002-04:00

I rarely, if ever, use the phone book. I look up numbers on the internet. I don't look at the yellow pages or at those display ads in the yellow pages. I am among those whom Bill Gates predicted has stopped using the paper yellow pages, and nearly all people under 50 will join me in the next 5 years, if they haven't already.

Every Spring, a new phone book is delivered to the house. Yesterday was no different. It was dropped on my front door step, as always, in a loose plastic bag, open on one end. As always, I didn't spot it till the morning after (meaning, I spotted it this morning). As always, the loose plastic bag did not protect it from the overnight Spring rain. So, I have a brand new Yellow Book ("not the other book!") that I don't even want, and even if I did, it is 100% waterlogged and ruined. And, it seems to me, that once a phone book has been so thoroughly soaked, it isn't even recyclable, should I be so inclined to try. And I'm not. It'll sit in a deceptively heavy white trash bag, just like similarly saturated used kitty litter, only less useful.

Thanks for nothing, Yellow Book. Not that I really give a damn that my phone book is ruined, as I wasn't going to use it anyway. But thanks for leaving your trash on my doorstep, just so I can waste a trash bag on it to send it straight to the landfill. And thanks for charging thousands of dollars to all of those fools who buy display ads in your book, just so you can deliver those books all half-assed so they get ruined in the rain. You really should get together with the fine folks at the AARP, and make phone books something that AARP members receive, and leave the rest of us out of it.

Dann Still Hangin' On

2008-05-14T09:51:00.001-04:00

Nevermind, he is still here.

Dann Done

2008-05-13T15:33:00.001-04:00

It looks like Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann's resignation is imminent.

While he has admitted to an affair with a subordinate, has had a sexual harassment scandal occur among his senior staff and their subordinates, and he has admitted to not being equipped to handle the job of AG, it is not clear to me that anything that Dann has done is actually impeachable, despite the threat to seek his impeach delivered by letter -- a letter signed by Governor Strickland, Ohio Democratic Party Chairman Chris Redfern, and Senator Sherrod Brown, among others.

Still, if for no other reason but his admission that he was not up to the job when he was elected, I am glad to see him go. The other stuff is disgraceful, and there is probably more to come, maybe impeachable stuff, too. But when he said he wasn't as well prepared as he should have been when he was elected -- then why the hell did you run, sir?

Tuesday Talkback

2008-05-13T06:28:00.001-04:00

Those squirrelly moaners...

"For all the thoughtless motorists who intentionally disregard squirrel-crossing signs: Wake up! It's not like communities can afford tunnels under the road." - Cleveland Heights

I can't say I've ever even seen a squirrel-crossing sign, let alone ever taken the opportunity to disregard (or obey) one. Has anyone ever seen one? And if you have, any idea whether it was an official sign or a sign put up privately? That is, if you Google "squirrel crossing sign," you'll find all sorts of signs you can purchase for the squirrel enthusiast you know.

So, is this moaner a squirrel lover who bought a sign, nailed it on a pole in front of her house, and is mad that people aren't -- I don't know -- slamming on their brakes and jamming up traffic just in case a squirrel should happen to dart out into the street? And if any governmental authority has ever erected a squirrel crossing sign, what criteria compelled that installation at that particular spot? This moaner seems to think, or at least suggest, that a community might even consider, but for the cost, the idea of building tunnels for squirrels to safely cross. Really?

If anyone has ever seen a squirrel crossing sign, in Cleveland Heights or anywhere else, please let me know where you've seen it.

If anyone has ever had a problem dodging or running over squirrels in a street, I'd like to know that too, and where you've had that occur. In other words -- are there places where such signs arguably should be installed? No one should want to run over a squirrel, whether you are an animal lover or just don't want to wreck your tires.

This Thursday

2008-05-12T12:10:00.001-04:00

Mr. Bebout reports that the Bodacious Tah-Tahs will have a breast cancer fundraiser this Thursday night.

Details HERE.

I Made The Daily Dish!

2008-05-09T07:05:00.001-04:00

Andrew Sullivan's The Daily Dish was the first blog I ever read with regularity, and I still read it every day.

One of the more unusual features of his blog is that he does not allow for comments. Instead, if you have a comment, you can email him, and if your comment intrigues him, he might post it himself. He doesn't publish names, just comments.

So, yesterday Andrew wrote about he could never run for president, not just because he wasn't born here, but because he had just ordered three petite vanilla scones at Starbucks, and as such, "If that doesn't make [him] an elite snooty pansy-ass un-American commie terrorist-lover, what would?"

I know exactly the scones he means. I've had my eye on those little scones for the last two weeks. Every time I walk into Starbucks, there they are. I think about them, and I pass on them, every time.

So, I was inspired to email him a comment, and he put it up, along with two others: Mine is (obviously) the last of the three:

Petite Vanilla Scones

08 May 2008 08:05 pm

Man, they're good. A reader writes:

I have to say, as an upper-middle class liberal who has been known to enjoy the occasional latte or, even worse, cafe au lait, I'm a little sick of the abuse. No, I don't watch NASCAR. No, I am not a soccer mom/dad. I just like my damn coffee with milk in it. Is that so wrong? Yes, my morning is made a little brighter by having some nice barista at the local coffee shop make that coffee for me. I'm sorry that this makes me hate America. But if you think I'm out of touch now, just try me WITHOUT my coffee.

Another:

I don't know if it makes you an elite snooty pansy-ass un-American commie terrorist-lover, but three vanilla petite scones? Totally gay.

Not that there's anything wrong that. And another:

I was born in Erie, Pennsylvania, and I live in Cleveland, Ohio. Most of my family is blue collar, my dad was the president of his local union.

Every time I go to Starbucks, I've had my eye on those damn petite vanilla scones. Please, how were they? My elite snooty pansy-ass Obama-lovin' side of me wants to know. The blue collar roots in me noticed there was a price break on three.

They're totally awesome: moist, sweet, crusty, the best pastry Starbucks has come up with. And I include the toffee almond bar.

Alright, my dad was president of his local teachers union, but still.

Not Worth 23 Cents to Me

2008-05-08T11:35:00.001-04:00

No, I won't be lining up for a 23 cent pizza. I bet they charge extra for the garlic dipping sauce -- which is the only way I could eat it anyway.

You can make just about anything taste good if you pour enough garlic flavored grease on it.

Last time I ate Papa John's pizza, I woke up in the middle of the night and, to put it delicately, I was in distress.

Now, that might make for an amusing t-shirt.

The Black Keys -- free show

2008-05-06T16:07:00.001-04:00

The Black Keys are doing a free show tomorrow at The Beachland Tavern.

The show is at 8pm. However, if you want to get in, you need to go down to Waterloo around 2pm to get a wristband. They are only going to let in about 125 people to this, so if you want to see this show, you probably should get down there early tomorrow afternoon.

Tuesday Talkback

2008-05-06T05:25:00.003-04:00

The moaners are at it again, and I'm still talking back.

"Instead of 'men working,' shouldn't the politically correct sign say 'people working?' "- Collinwood Village

If you really want to be precise about it, it should say "five people standing around a hole in the pavement watching one person working inside the hole."

"When a sign is deceiving on an exit ramp, and proven over time that it is, something should be done about it right away." - Maple Heights

Why couldn't this moaner just say what they really meant? What sign? Deceiving, how? A deceiving sign on an exit ramp ....? So, maybe the sign says "exit" but instead you just get looped back onto the highway? "Proven over time that it is?" What kind of mushy thinking is this? How is "proven over time" different than "proven"? And if the sign is deceiving, why mention the "proven" thing at all? And finally, is something should be done, do something about it. Call the DOT. Call city council. Call your member of congress. No, I'll call Monday Moaning. You who gets tricked by signs.

"Men, if you have a huge gut and man boobs, please keep your shirts on! You look disgusting and should be cited for indecent exposure!" - Mentor

Since this moaner is from Mentor, I question whether the actual moan included the word "if." If it did, then I applaud the tact of the moaner who was really directing her moan at pretty much every adult male residing in her community.

"Why can't the Cleveland Indians' announcers shut their yaps for even one second? Usually, they're not even calling the plays or talking to the viewers; they're talking to each other. They need to save their small talk for when they go out for drinks or dinner. Guys, you're boring - give us a break and shut up." - Euclid

Baseball is a whole lot of standing around and waiting for something to happen. And until something happens, there is dead air to fill. It is the announcers' jobs to fill that dead air. Now, if you don't want to listen to the banter, the solution is easy: turn down the sound on your TV. If you are listening to the game on the radio, just turn it off, because again, the announcers aren't going to allow dead air. And if that bothers you, don't listen to the game. Read about it later, or catch the highlights in the news. The action of most games can be thoroughly summarized in under a minute. Granted, you lose that sense of anticipation and drama that you might feel as you wait for something to happen when you watch it in real time. Going to a baseball game is a little like going to the doctor. You get there, and you wait around forever, then something starts to happen, but then you just wait around some more. And then there's the drugs, and the prima donna personalities, and the illegible signatures. And by the time you finally get out of there, you wonder where the afternoon went. And you wonder how you spent so much money for what you got. And you wonder if anything can be done to pick up the pace. Yet, regardless, you'll be back.

Esquire Times Two

2008-05-02T07:29:00.001-04:00

Congratulations to James W. Bacher, Esq., for passing the Ohio bar!

Kat Fix

2008-05-02T06:01:00.002-04:00

Kat switched her blog to private. Don't ask me why, I don't have an answer for you. However, for those of you going though Kat withdrawal, I have some exclusive pics for you.

Call Me Renfield

2008-04-29T18:01:00.001-04:00

I just had to rescue the office from a bat -- or vice versa. He flew into PK's office and sat down on the windowsill. I took a small trash can and covered him with it. I then took a legal sized file folder and slid it underneath. I could hear him rustling around inside.

I carefully flipped the can and walked to the elevator. I did NOT tell the two women in the elevator what was in the can UNTIL we got down to the lobby. One woman ran the other way, and the other followed me outside to see him.

Outside in the valet area, I walked over to the empty designated smoking area. I gently tipped the can in a nearby flowerbed, and the bat slid into the mulch. He sat there for a few seconds, seemingly confused. He was a cute little guy, like a mouse with wings. Then he took off, and flew in a couple of circles overhead before flying away. His wingspan was maybe eight inches. The woman who followed me out was ducking and laughing.

I returned to the office... As a fly fisherman himself, PK was impressed by my calm and efficient catch and release.

Tuesday Talkback

2008-04-29T00:01:00.002-04:00

The moaners are out in force and I'm talking back.

"Turn your fog lights off! Turn your fog lights off! Turn your fog lights off! Idiots." - Bedford

What the hell do you care?

"This is in regards to our public 'Futilities' departments that dig up streets to make repairs. When they finish, they pour concrete, but it is about 2 to 3 inches below the level of the pavement. This eats tires and suspension parts. Someone please wake up." - Cleveland

Consider it a favor -- uneven pavement means you'll slow down, which means less mobile traffic camera tickets.

"I wish vegetarians would study the human body and realize we are carnivores." - Rocky River

Study it yourself, moron. We are omnivores.

"We live on a corner lot and people just take advantage of us, always turning in our driveway, even when we're trying to get out. I wish I had a dollar from everyone who did that." - North Olmsted

A pair of bib overalls and a shotgun, and your pesky neighbor problem can soon be solved.

"Frank Jackson stated, at the be ginning of his term, he would leave if he wasn't doing a good job. Why hasn't he left?" - Lorain

You live in Lorain, which makes Cleveland look like San Francisco -- I don't give a damn for Frank Jackson, but who the hell are you?

"Why do all supermarkets and restaurants - Marc's stores, Steak 'n Shakes, just to name two - have the music so loud? Everyone is going to have hearing problems sometime in their lives. Turn it down!" - Mentor-on-the-Lake

They turn up the music whenever you're around to drown out your nasally yap.

"When will Mary Worth stop minding everybody else's business?" - Parma

Never! No one at Charterstone can escape her meddling.

"Lets see: Worked all my life, always pay my bills and taxes on time, paid my way through college, have no credit card debt, took no handouts, didn't produce a kid that I could ill afford and would be a burden on the state and taxpayers to raise, paid my house off, etc. My question: Where is my handout?" - Lorain

Start collecting social security and Medicare, and you too can be part of the entitlement problem.

"In the section 'What the Boss Makes,' there are seldom any women in the 'Key Executive' positions. Maybe some of the region's economic woes are due, in part, to Northeast Ohio corporations stuck in the 'old boy' mentality." - Lakewood

Please, in this economy, we'd be just as fucked with the women in charge.

" 'Not economically feasible.' That is the answer I received after questioning why apartment buildings were not required to participate in recycling. Consequently, tons of recyclables end up in landfills. Why isn't something done about this? - Parma Heights

Because it really isn't economically feasible. Because if recycling were cheaper or more economical than throwing it all in the landfill, it would be done. Recycling costs more money than throwing stuff away, despite all the promises and hopes otherwise. Such platitudes are as unrealistic as those from 60 years ago that promised that with nuclear plants our electricity would be free, or if only we'd drill in ANWR, gas would be only a buck a gallon again. It is bullshit, and you need to get over yourself.

"In 2006, the Democrats said they were going to save us from all the Republican corruption. And they did. Ever since then, it's been nothing but Democrat corruption." - Strongsville

You give the Democrats far too much credit.

"RTA has cut back or discontinued suburban routes frequently, claiming low ridership. Yet it continues to run the Waterfront line. Traffic backs up every morning through the Flats as the train goes by in either direction with no riders. Talk about waste!" - no city

Call back in five years, and insert "Silver Line / Euclid Corridor Project" in place of "Waterfront Line."

Eating the Young

2008-04-24T13:46:00.000-04:00

From when I was a young aspriring music student, I remember a slogan my old choir director had hanging above the piano in the practice room closest to his office. It proclaimed in typeset letters that had to be at least a fifth generation photocopy:

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY

ALWAYS TRIUMPH

OVER YOUTH AND SKILL.

At the time, the sign confirmed for me something I already knew: that my choir director was an old prick.

Today, I can recall those words as plain as day, as if I were still sitting at that old piano, helping myself learn the second tenor line wherever the harmony wasn't intuitive. I think of those words as I watch two weary and exhausted presidential candidates continue on. One, who is a younger candidate, trying to hold it together and maintain his hard fought lead into the convention, who has largely refrained from bringing up the worst of this opponent's excesses. And an older one who is willing to say anything -- no matter how nasty or false -- in an effort to make her argument that he cannot win be a prophesy that she fulfills by the virtue of her own scorched earth tactics.

Fun with Google Maps Street View

2008-04-23T08:20:00.002-04:00

Google Maps has vans crawling all over various municipalities taking panoramic photographs of city streets. I remember showing this feature to Gina a few months ago to show her what certain hotels looked like in New York City.

Recently, Google Maps has uploaded Street View for many of the streets in and around Cleveland. My street isn't on there, but several of the streets where I used to live are. Most streets within the city of Cleveland proper are on there. Yeah, I already depressed myself looking at boarded up homes in various neighborhoods.

Anyway, faces and license plates and things like that are generally blurred, or at least out of focus. Still, even if my face could not be seen, I wouldn't want to be one of these two people hanging out in front of the adult book store on West 25th Street. Even with a face out of focus, maybe someone would recognize my coat, or my general body shape.

Baracky

2008-04-22T00:01:00.000-04:00

No Tuesday Talkback today -- today is the Pennsylvania primary.

A little inspirational film to celebrate.

We are the ones we've been waiting for.

Dirt Off Your Shoulder

2008-04-18T07:52:00.002-04:00

Obama channels Jay-Z?

Not like Jay-Z invented the saying or the gesture, but still.

The Best TV is a Mouse Click Away

2008-04-17T15:35:00.002-04:00

I have not had time to partake in the hulu.com phenomenon, but I am amazed to see that all three seasons of the best television comedy ever made are available for viewing online.

If you haven't seen it, go take a couple days to watch it all. You can do it in about 22 hours if you take no more than a 3 minute break per episode.

You can start here with the pilot:

Phoenix Coffee Cups

2008-04-17T08:42:00.001-04:00

I usually stop at Phoenix Coffee on my way to work for a my daily cup of inspiration. The Free Times ran this article about Phoenix and their goal to phase out disposable cups.

If I wanted to carry around my own cup for coffee instead of a disposable cup, I'd make my own coffee at home and put it in a cup. I don't like carrying around a cup. I don't like forgetting it at work. I don't like it knocking around in my car when I'm not using it. I don't like washing it. And yes, washing a cup using hot water and soap uses energy too.

Phoenix has been using Styrofoam cups instead of paper cups (like Starbucks and Caribou). I prefer the Styrofoam cup. The coffee stays hotter longer. And those paper cups sometimes drip at the seam. I HATE that.

Next week, Phoenix wants their customers to commit to a full week of not using disposable cups. They have pledge cards to sign. It is mentioned in the article, and I've seen these pledge cards. And I won't be signing, because I'm just not interested in carrying around my own cup.

I used to drive out of my way to stop at Phoenix on my way to work. Instead, this morning, I just stopped at Starbucks. Yes, I prefer Phoenix's coffees -- if there is a better cup of coffee in town, I don't know of it. The Victory Blend might be my favorite, but they have so many good coffees, and I've never had a bad cup of coffee there. Today, Starbucks sold me a perfectly fine cup of coffee without the guilt -- and Phoenix used one less disposable cup today.

Bless you, Phoenix, you can run your business any way you want. But what I want is coffee in a disposable cup. If you don't want to sell that to me, then I'll buy it someplace else. I plan on skipping Phoenix all of next week, because I don't want any grief or guilt with my coffee.

As I get to the bottom of my venti traditional, it is luke warm at the bottom. Damn paper cup. Grande tomorrow. Fits better in my cupholder anyway.

Prudy Talkback

2008-04-17T08:07:00.001-04:00

I am a devoted reader of the weekly Dear Prudence advice column on Slate. Today's opening letter had a response *I* would have written -- I love it, so I will share:

Dear Prudence,
My wedding is 59 days away, and I am concerned about my future mother-in-law's dress. She is a wonderful woman who makes me feel accepted as her son's choice for a wife. But with only two months left before the wedding, she had finally begun her search for a dress. Last Sunday, my mother-in-law held my bridal shower at her house. My mother told me that while she was there, she saw a photo of the dress my mother-in-law picked out. She described it as "young, low-cut, and flowing." I wanted to get to the bottom of this, as my mother-in-law had not even informed me that she had purchased anything. So, after the party, I sent her an e-mail, and she sent me a picture of the dress. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My 51-year-old mother-in-law has picked out a dress with a wispy skirt, a V-neck, and spaghetti straps. It's fit and styled for someone my age—25! And it's robin's egg blue—which doesn't even go with my champagne-colored dress, the bridesmaids' sage green, the chocolate brown tuxes, and my mother's pale pink dress. I can't swallow the fact that she would attempt such a daring wardrobe choice on a day so important to me and her son. This dress has been ordered and is not set to arrive until two weeks before our wedding! I really need advice on how to tell her that I do not feel it is appropriate to wear.

—Frustrated Bride

Dear Frustrated,
The nerve of this 51-year-old woman to decide she's just going to march off and buy a dress that she finds flattering without asking permission of a 25-year-old. Sure, she has welcomed you into her family and thrown a shower for you. But now she has really shown her true colors—robin's egg blue, to be exact—by pulling this spaghetti-strap stunt. This V-neck desecration has to be stopped! You simply must tell her the hard truth. Something along the lines of, "Hey, you old hag, no one wants to see your saggy flesh. Your choice of color is an outrage. And, in case you've forgotten, in 59 days it's going to be my day, my day, my day, my day."

—Prudie

Normally she doesn't rant like that, but I love it -- wholly appropriate to this young, entitled bridezilla.

Polaroid

2008-04-16T09:23:00.001-04:00

The more that things change, the more they stay the same.

The new Polaroid instant prints.

John Wesley Sighted at Rush Show

2008-04-16T07:09:00.001-04:00

I got text messages and emails from last night's Rush show in Orlando. Wes was there! He was sitting down front, right in front of some of my rushtour.com friends, and apparently he took the stage briefly to "baste the chicken" (there is a prop chicken rotisserie oven on stage behind Geddy Lee.) That's when my friends (several of whom I personally introduced to PT) realized who he was. When he returned to his seat, they asked him to autograph the "rushtour.com banner" -- which is travelling to all the shows. He was super nice as always and was only too happy to sign.

BROWNS Schedule

2008-04-15T14:45:00.001-04:00

EXCELLENT ... A Sunday Night game at home versus the Steelers in Week Two.

Three Monday Night games -- including hosting the Giants, then away at the Bills and the Eagles.

A Thursday Night game on the NFL Network versus the Broncos.

Lots of national games for the Browns next year!

It is a tough schedule -- and we have to play hard to the end. We may meet the Steelers a little too early again, but then we play them in week 17 in Pittsburgh!

Preseason

Date Opponent Time TV NETWORK

Thur., Aug. 7 New York Jets 7:30 p.m. (WKYC TV-3)

Mon., Aug. 18 at New York Giants 8:00 p.m. (ESPN)

Sat., Aug. 23 at Detroit Lions 4:00 p.m. (WKYC TV-3)

Thur., Aug. 28 Chicago Bears 7:30 p.m. (WKYC TV-3)

Regular Season

Date Opponent Time TV NETWORK

Sun., Sept. 7 Dallas Cowboys 4:15 p.m. (FOX)

Sun., Sept. 14 Pittsburgh Steelers 8:15 p.m. (NBC)

Sun., Sept. 21 at Baltimore Ravens 4:15 p.m. (CBS)

Sun., Sept. 28 at Cincinnati Bengals 1:00 p.m. (CBS)

Sun., Oct. 5 Bye Week

Mon., Oct. 13 New York Giants 8:30 p.m. (ESPN)

Sun., Oct. 19 at Washington Redskins 4:15 p.m. (CBS)

Sun., Oct. 26 at Jacksonville Jaguars 4:05 p.m. (CBS)

Sun., Nov. 2 Baltimore Ravens 1:00 p.m. (CBS)

Thur., Nov. 6 Denver Broncos 8:15 p.m. (NFL Network)

Mon., Nov. 17 at Buffalo Bills 8:30 p.m. (ESPN)

Sun., Nov. 23 Houston Texans 1:00 p.m. (CBS) *

Sun., Nov. 30 Indianapolis Colts 1:00 p.m. (CBS) *

Sun., Dec. 7 at Tennessee Titans 1:00 p.m. (CBS) *

Mon., Dec. 15 at Philadelphia Eagles 8:30 p.m. (ESPN)

Sun., Dec. 21 Cincinnati Bengals 1:00 p.m. (CBS) *

Sun., Dec. 28 at Pittsburgh Steelers 1:00 p.m. (CBS) *

* Beginning Week 11, the NFL will move to a 'flexible' schedule, as games are subject to the possible change from a Sunday afternoon kickoff to a Sunday night prime time viewing.

I Forgot to Claim My Whaling Expenses Deduction

2008-04-15T08:45:00.001-04:00

A little tax day humor.

Tuesday Talkback

2008-04-15T06:03:00.001-04:00

A time to moan, a time to talk back.

"Biggest Moan: All those people who blow past stop signs and speed in the early morning through our development to get to work while my third-grade daughter and I stand in the dark waiting for her bus at 6:50 a.m. Slow down Avon, Ohio! You are not the only one on the road!" - Avon

You and your daughter need to stop standing in the road.

"Payday lenders and pajama parties - what is a person to think? I stepped off the curb and saw honesty, ethics, and good judgment floating toward the sewer. I could not rescue them at the time, but I promised them I would keep informed and vote, so that one day they might be rescued." - Euclid

WTF? The personification and victimization of honesty, ethics and good judgment, and the tale of one Euclid resident's promise to keep informed and vote so that they might someday be rescued. Yikes.

"This one's for the IRS: The FDIC bank account loss limit has been stagnant at $100,000, and the minimum amount that can be earned without being taxed has been $599, both for at least a decade or so. Yet the minimum 'red flag' cash transaction got dropped to $10,000 decades ago. You obviously want your cake and to eat it too." - no city

WTF? What is this guy trying to say? The FDIC isn't part of the IRS, and the insurance on deposits up to $100,000 has been around a lot longer than "decade or so." And how is this related to the "red flag" amount -- which wasn't "dropped" to $10,000, but established at $10,000 in 1970 by the Bank Secrecy Act -- and not the IRS. And the 2007 tax tables will tax you a dollar if your taxable income is as little as between $5 and $15 -- well below this $599. So who exactly wants to have their cake and eat it too, and how?

This Did Not Happen in Fargo...

2008-04-11T11:14:00.001-04:00

Ew...poor SOB.

Taking License

2008-04-10T11:46:00.001-04:00

My ongoing lie to the government: my weight, as I have represented it to the Ohio BMV. That lie appears on my drivers license. It is the smoking gun document.

That isn't to say I didn't once weigh that much -- or that little. But it has been awhile. Not that long awhile. That was my weight at one time this century, I did weigh that little.

But that was my pre-9/11 weight.

I've let the carbohydrates win. And while I cannot lose all that weight just overnight, a planned withdrawal makes sense.

Got to be as careful about losing the weight as I was careless about putting it on.

I could implement a timetable, but then the cravings for carbs and fat will just wait me out.

I could implement benchmarks, but when I don't meet them, I'll just pretend there weren't any.

All that food I ate, was it in vain? Was it all consumed for nothing, just to go on a diet?

I suppose I could just end this thing by cutting off funding to the grocery store, the restaurant, the bar. That seems so ... extreme. And it doesn't support the calories and nutrients that I do need.

Maybe I need a surge of food. If I binge on all the things I shouldn't eat, I'll be so sick of them I won't want to eat them anymore -- and that'll give me cover to lose the weight.

I don't have a hundred years to do this. It needs to be done now. Or soon. It can't all be done with 60 days, but I can start drawing down within that time.

Tuesday Talkback

2008-04-08T06:10:00.002-04:00

Another Monday Moaning, another Talkback Talkback.

"Attention local business owners: Stop using your young children and grandchildren in your commercials. They are only darling to you. To us, they are annoying and insulting. Their voices are garbled and grating. Tell me about your quality, your service and accountability." -- Chardon

While I do agree that other people's children are not generally darling, especially not at the grocery store, the restaurant or the movie theater, I don't think you'll find local ads less annoying with children removed. Even without the kids, don't expect anything sincere. Even if they claim to speak to quality, service, accountability -- they won't be sincere about it. That just isn't what advertising is about. I think you will still be dissatisfied with the phoniness -- you just won't have it compounded by the presence of those young children.

"Where do they get the people who do the closed captioning on TV? Especially on the news. The proof readers' ought to turn off the sound and try to follow along to see what us hearing-impaired go through. They also need to learn how to spell." -- Mayfield Heights

The challenge of closed captioning live television is that it is live television. This is especially problematic during sports play-by-play announcing, not to mention the stream of words covering up the field of play. But local news -- isn't most of the text on the teleprompter anyway? I would think this would help, but maybe not.

"Moan to the shallow man who gave the manager at Longhorn Steakhouse in Strongsville a big mouth because he had to wait for a table. Some of us have kids and don't need them exposed to this behavior. He made a scene and a total jerk of himself. Go to anger management, and send the manager a written apology if you're man enough. You are invited to my place of business with this behavior. I'll fix you up." -- North Royalton

"[G]ave the manager... a big mouth?" That sounds something like giving someone a fat lip, as opposed to arguing with someone, which is what sounds like happened here. But I am not impressed by this delayed show of bravery. Come to my place and "I'll fix you up?" Well, what did you do to fix him up at the steakhouse? Especially if he was such a threat to your darling kids. And where is big mouth supposed to meet you now? While there are numerous businesses in North Royalton, how is one supposed to decide which one is yours?

"All those drivers who pull out in front of you and then proceed not to go the speed limit and, also when there is no one behind you, they can't wait another 10 seconds until you pass. They can go as slow as they want behind me, just don't do it in front of me." -- Parma

Try not going 50 in a 25, and you'll find this problem fixes itself. You're welcome.

Fake Plastic Commute

2008-04-07T12:56:00.002-04:00

I have often justified the ownership of a second car as a substitute for therapy; money that would be saved by selling the convertible would then be spent on Prozac and weekly sessions. A top down ride in the morning puts a smile on my face even when I am driving to work.

Top down, I stopped at Phoenix on Coventry for my morning cup of inspiration -- usually it is just a large light roast. When I walked in, Radiohead's Fake Plastic Trees was playing. It is a great song, and it both makes me think of Gina and makes me sad at the same time.

Coffee in hand, back in the car -- I selected Fake Plastic Trees on the iPod.

I have to tell you -- the joy of the morning top down ride was offset by the song. I then played a little Soggy Bottom Boys to try to counter the effects of morning Radiohead. It helped, but it wasn't quite enough, though normally that would do it. Always got a kick out of George Clooney lip-synching those words...

I am a man of constant sorrow,
I've seen trouble all my day...

Philip Sheridan / Sheridan Philip

2008-04-04T09:50:00.001-04:00

Last night I started to sift through the old Rubbermaid tub of family papers that my dad lent me some time ago. There were all sorts of letters, old photos, even some old glass negatives. Many of the old photos, unfortunately, have no names on them. I recognized some people outright, recognized the family resemblence in other photos, and have some memories of my Grandma Mary identifying some of the people in the photos. And I seem to recall that young lady my dad took to the prom was named Zelda.

Several of those photos was of my great grandfather, Sheridan Philip. Or Philip Sheridan, as he sometimes went by -- he flipped the order of his names when he became an adult. One photo in particular is striking. I'll have to scan it. He looked to be in his early 20s, probably just before or after college. His hair, his face, his build, the suit -- damn if he doesn't look like me.

Philip Sheridan went to Penn State, was a Delta Tau Delta, class of 1913. He played football and he majored in civil engineering.

While he died in 1936, his wife, my great grandmother Mildred lived another 48 years -- long enough for me to have personal memories of her.

Also in the box: Kat's baby book. Kat would want to know that. Hey Kat -- I have an envelope with the clippings from your first haircut in it. Its sealed, but I could feel the hair through the paper. If you think that's weird, I assure you, there is some weirder stuff in that box -- including a pony tail from Mildred's "last haircut." She may be dead and buried over 20 years now -- but I have a box of her locks.

There were lots of photos of houses out in Conneautville, PA, military records, a whole treasure trove of family memorabilia. There is a photo of my great great grandmother Rosetta and her sisters -- the kind of photo so old it is developed on a piece of thin metal instead of paper.

And I found my own birth announcement. The pic of me as a newborn, St. Vincent's, Erie -- I look like a little demon. Damien-baby, I was, it seems.

The View from The Hill

2008-04-03T07:46:00.000-04:00

Tho' my life was in a rut
Till I thought of what I'd say
Which connection I should cut
I was feeling part of the scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My heart going boom boom boom

-pg

Happy Birthday

2008-04-02T08:02:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday, dear Gina.

I love you, babe.

Tuesday Talkback - The Prog Edition

2008-04-01T06:10:00.001-04:00

Opening day, opening moan:

"Prog. The Prog? OK, I guess it could be worse. But come on, Progressive. You're still a part of Cleveland, even in Mayfield Heights. It's the Cleveland Indians. Show some well-placed spirit and change the logo to reflect our home. And the city that has done so much for you." — Cleveland

Change the logo to reflect our home? What is this person talking about? The logo? The Progressive Field logo? Did the Jacobs Field logo "reflect our home"?

Well, the old logo didn't mention Cleveland. The old signage did say "Home of the Cleveland Indians" on it. But is that all this guy means?

The new logo doesn't say Cleveland on it... It says Indians, but no Cleveland. Ah. So that's his moan. Sheesh.

Well here's mine. I don't think I like calling it "The Prog." Although I'm sure Progressive doesn't want anyone calling it that -- because they don't market themselves as "Prog" but as "Progressive." So, I guess if you want to dilute the value of the money they spent renaming the place, go ahead and call it The Prog.

To me, the only thing that feels awkward about it is that it isn't the original name. You call a place one name for 14 years, then suddenly you are supposed to call it something else. But is that really so strange? Other buildings get their names changed, around our city too -- the Sohio Tower became the BP Tower, for example. And people change their names -- especially women when they marry -- and we get used to it. That isn't so strange. But it isn't done for cash. It isn't like Paris Hilton ever opened her name for bidding to competing hotel chains. But Paris Hotel 6 seems strangely appropriate.

Bosnian Misadventure

2008-03-31T11:50:00.001-04:00

This just keeps getting worse and worse for Hillary.

Hitch weighs in:

http://www.slate.com/id/2187780

Long time coming, don't you think?

2008-03-28T11:05:00.001-04:00

Welcome Dickapedia to the internets, though it is hardly comprehensive, but give it time. It is a wiki, after all.

Yes, HRC has an entry. And Obama. But not McCain. At least not yet. Huckabee and Romney have entries though.

Losers' Day Parade

2008-03-28T09:40:00.000-04:00

Maverick, well do you recall the feelings you were sold?
Like Manhattan in the fall and all the washed away brigade within the soul
How it flickered in the neon by the seventh,
And so meaninglessly sentimental

Maverick, now we only want the feelings we can sell
Near the bridge beyond eleventh where you contemplate the candle on the wall
Mesmerizing, how it flickers by the subway, yeah,
Well we can sell it all

Now you turn to me like a friend
Your stock is rising again
Sell yourself and I'll try to pretend
At least that's something
Figures up but predictions are low
Carry you all the way to the show
So for now you've got nowhere to go
I'll drop you later

These are the days and the stakes are so high
No one will say that they care as much as I do...

She waits for you by the stage
So glittering and engaged
Much too late for you to engage
In awkward silence
Say the word and she'll always be there
Intentions perfectly clear
Telling you all that you need to hear
And it's all for you
And she says...

These are the days when you make me alive
No one will say that they love you as much as I do...

Shut up! Shut up!

Hair spray, deranged, the smell of in-between still lingers
And the cheapness just keeps reaping to the old refrains still lingering
The only sound you hear, the quiet falling of the rain inside
Your beautiful playground on this Losers' Day parade

Maverick, you idiot, the makeup and the fakeup,
All the falsy just like palsy and you still don't learn
Excuses are so stupid, your remedial behaviour
With all this comfort purchase and you still won't learn

So to the ironbound section of the Avenue L
Where the disperate faces come to see what you sell
Live divine, feelings once mine, charcoal color of your soul

If I carved you heart right onto my skin
You were never in my thougts when I turned to sing
Cut the wire, wait a pointless hour, meaningless never should have been

So the architect wants a prettier song
Like a dead end anthem for the kids gone wrong
Immaculate dreams chasing beautiful scenes, designs for life (into your heart)

Hey Mr. Nameless, do I seem a bit insensitive?
I'm trying to forget what you are...
Well I'm hoping you have seen us and it will not come between us
So how could you let it go this far?
Dead nobodies in company cars...

Is this the radio that's safely saturating you,
I pray that you rmemeber when the wheels stop spinning
I walk to the wreckage and I dream of middle England
This consolation travelled so far...
Dead nobodies in company cars...

This lonliness wherever you are...
Dead nobodies in company cars...

-- John Mitchell

Tuesday Talkback

2008-03-25T05:42:00.001-04:00

Those silly moaners.

"If China and India are so desperate to buy our gasoline, why don't we charge them the high prices and lower the price for the American public? Isn't that what the Middle East does to us with their oil?" — Elyria

Our gasoline?

Our gasoline?

"Sports figures are in trouble for using drugs to enhance their playing abilities. Musicians/rock stars/movie stars use drugs probably 100 times as much and the drugs do not enhance their abilities at all and they get paid big bucks, get awards and are left alone." — Brunswick

Isn't it funny how music is not like sports in this respect? I disagree that drugs have not "enhanced" the [creative] abilities of musicians, even though you don't hear about anyone getting stripped of a Grammy for the use of performance enhancing drugs. Sorry, Pink Floyd and The Beatles -- none of those album sales count, and now the Rock Hall is going to kick you out. Goo goo ga joob, you crazy diamond!

Kent Read, Kent Write, Kent State ... and...

2008-03-20T15:41:00.000-04:00

...Kent play basketball.

8 seed UNLV is leading 9 seed Kent 31-10 at the half.

I am so embarrassed for the MAC sometimes.

Thanks, Kent. You stand to be the first loss on my "sheet of integrity."

No Talkback

2008-03-18T07:33:00.001-04:00

They didn't post it. Again. Bah.

Don't call her Kristen, she's Ashley something or other...

2008-03-14T14:07:00.001-04:00

http://www.myspace.com/ninavenetta

that is apparently her singing that song too.

Who needs Britney or Paris or other slutty starlets who just act like hos -- when we've got a real ho right here.

Nice pictures in the New York Post today too. But please, if you can turn tricks at that price, can't you pay for a nose job? C'mon.

Easter

2008-03-13T18:38:00.001-04:00

A ghost of a mist was on the field
The grey and the green together
The noise of a distant farm machine
Out of the first light came

A tattered necklace of hedge end trees
On the southern side of the hill
Betrays where the border runs between
Where Mary Dunoon's boy fell

Easter here again, a time for the blind to see
Easter, surely now can all of your hearts be free

Out of the port of Liverpool
Bound for the North of Ireland
The wash of the spray and horsetail waves
The roll of the sea below

And Easter here again, a time for the blind to see
Easter, surely now can all of your hearts be free

What will you do?
Make a stone of your heart?
Will you set things right?
When you tear them apart?
Will you sleep at night?
With the plough and the stars alight?

What will you do?
With the wire and the gun?
That'll set things right
When it's said and done?
Will you sleep at night?
Is there so much love to hide?

Forgive, Forget
Sing "Never again."

-- Steve Hogarth

Another Candidate...

2008-03-13T13:27:00.000-04:00

That's the winning ticket, right there!

Browns PSLs for Sale

2008-03-12T12:04:00.001-04:00

Last year around this time, I couldn't unload my Browns PSLs because the team was doing so badly -- who would want them?

The Browns went on to have a 10 win season, and just missed the playoffs.

This Fall, they are in a position to join the elite of the AFC. New England, Indy, San Diego, CLEVELAND.

And my PSLs are back on the auction block.

These PSLs would cost $1500 if you bought them directly from the Browns. I have opened the bidding at $750 with no reserve. If the minimum bid were to win it, it would be like buy one get one free.

No bids yet -- but a lot of people have put this auction on their watch list.

Let's see what happens. Auction ends this Sunday around 6pm.

Done with Clinton

2008-03-12T10:41:00.001-04:00

Here is a short essay by a Clinton supporter who is done with her.

This was posted March 9, so this was even before the Ferraro mess.

Pot and Kettle Alert

2008-03-11T06:27:00.003-04:00

"If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept. "

-- Geraldine Ferraro, Clinton fundraiser, member of Clinton's campaign financial committee, and former Democratic Vice Presidential candidate.

Make no mistake about it: this is the original token candidate crying "token candidate." Do you think I am being harsh? Geraldine admitted as such in the same interview:

"In 1984, if my name were Girard instead of Geraldine, I never would have been picked as the vice-presidential candidate."

Hear the interview here:

Will Clinton distance herself from this surrogate? If she doesn't, then Clinton must think it is ok to call someone, in essense, a token black, as long as you don't call him a monster.

Hypocrisy alert

2008-03-11T06:14:00.003-04:00

I have just two questions for Elliot.

1. When will Spitzer resign?

2. Did she spitzer swallow?

Gina said the same thing I was thinking ... how can his wife stand there like that, next to him? Isn't that about the most harrowing thing a spouse can face -- standing at a podium next to your spouse, who got caught in a prostitution ring, like the prostitution rings he used to break up?

Governor Spitzer pledged his support a superdelegate to Clinton. So, is Clinton going to distance herself from him? Also, when he resigns, he will no longer be a superdelegate to the convention.

Then again, HRC has been able to look past that cheating spouse thing before. So if she distances herself from Spitzer, doesn't that make her a hypocrite too?

Tuesday Talkback

2008-03-11T05:34:00.001-04:00

This moan caught my attention:

"How about some truth-in-advertising? 'The Ohio Lottery: Odds are, you'll win none.' " — Streetsboro

I have observed before the logical nonsense of the Ohio Lottery slogan, "Odds are, you'll have fun." Odds are, you will lose when you play the lottery, so the slogan can only be true if you have fun losing. Oh, I suppose someone from the lottery would say that the anticipation of waiting for the drawing, or as you scratch your ticket, somehow constitutes "fun."

But I've moved on. The advertising slogan that bothers me now is Chevrolet's "From gas friendly to gas free." Walk into any Chevy dealer and ask them where the gas free car is. They don't have one. The gas free Chevy Volt is still just a concept car -- one that is gas free for commutes of 40 miles or less. And the slogan is misleading because it suggests that Chevrolets have a range of efficiency, from gas friendly to gas free. But get to the dealership and you'll see that many of the same old gas guzzlers are still for sale. But the slogan "gas hogs to maybe gas free someday for trips 40 miles or less" just isn't elegant, even if closer to the truth.

This site says the Volt is targeted for release in the 2010 model year. We'll see what really happens. But until it is released, there is no gas-free Chevy. And for trips over 40 miles, there is no gas-free Chevy -- the Volt has to use something for trips over 40 miles. Which is smart, because no one is going to buy a car that has only a 40 mile driving range. So that makes the Volt a hybrid -- different from the Prius, yes, because it supposedly will operate as an electric car for trips under 40 miles, but it will be a hybrid all the same -- because how many drivers never go on trips over 40 miles?

Vice President of Nothing

2008-03-10T09:58:00.001-04:00

First of all, Clinton has no business offering the vice presidential spot to anybody. Not only is she not the nominee, but she isn't even the frontrunner. But to offer the second spot to the frontrunner is somewhere between laughable and insulting.

Secondly, there are no mulligans, no do-overs in presidential politics. Michigan and Florida failed to play by the rules. Their delegates don't count. If they are mad about that, they should take that up with their state legislatures and their governors for next time. The state governments were warned repeatedly by the DNC and the RNC that moving their primaries would have these consequences (DNC excluded them all, RNC excluded 50%). Their delegates should not be seated at the convention.

Thirdly, Governor Rendel said on Meet the Press yesterday that if Hillary wins a majority of the popular vote in Ohio, Pennsylvania, Michigan and Florida (I might have missed one or two more states that he mentioned, but in essence, the large swing states), then she should be the nominee, regardless of the outcome in all of the other primaries. Will Governor Rendel move the DNC to not even run primaries in all of those other states in the 2012 election -- I mean, if they don't matter, why waste the money and the effort? The answer, of course, is that all of the states and their delegates matter. And that Rendel's argument is bullshit.

Fourth, just because Hillary won more primary votes than Obama in some of the larger states does not mean that Obama can't win those states in the general election -- or that Hillary will win those states in the general election. If Hillary is the nominee, anyone want to bet that Hillary will win Texas? Really? And speaking of Texas...

Fifth, I wish the media would quit reporting that Clinton won Texas. All Clinton won was the popular vote. Texas has a hybrid system -- a primary during the day followed by caucuses that night. Not only did Obama win the caucuses, but as a result, Obama won more delegates total from Texas than Hillary did. Yet when MSNBC puts up their map of the states, they color in Texas for Hillary, even though Obama won more delegates. It is the delegates that count at the convention. Not the popular vote.

Sixth, and I didn't come up with this myself, someone commented on it on Kos: to say that Hillary Clinton has executive experience is to say that Yoko Ono was a Beatle. Being in the building when something happened doesn't mean you did it.

Seventh, Bill Bradley took off the gloves on PBS over the weekend about the Clintons' failure to release their tax and financial records. About time.

Eighth, is Hillary a "monster"? Is Obama "Ken Starr"? Hillary said it was ok for her staffer to call Obama "Ken Starr" because one was an ad hominum attack, and the other was a reference to an historical figure. Really. So I guess it would have been ok for someone to say, Obama's middle name may be Hussein, but Hillary acts like Saddam Hussein. Or Atilla the Hun? Or Eva Peron?

Guilty of Partaking in Trash Culture

2008-03-08T09:04:00.001-05:00

Grease 2 is an awful movie. Dreadful songs, hokey story, as a big a drop off as you'll see in a movie sequel -- this movie should have stopped Michelle Pfeiffer's career dead in its tracks.

I know this movie is awful, because I've watched it at least a dozen times over the years. Probably more. I know what I'm talking about.

It is on Bravo now, as I type this. Of course I have it on. Have you looked outside?

Another Example of Clintonian Sophistry

2008-03-06T10:14:00.003-05:00

So. It looks like it was actually the Hillary Clinton campaign that contacted the Canadians and told them not to worry about the chest-beating on NAFTA in Ohio:

At the end of an extended conversation, [Prime Minister Harper's Chief of Staff Ian] Brodie was asked about remarks aimed by the Democratic candidates at Ohio's anti-NAFTA voters that carried serious economic implications for Canada.

Since 75 per cent of Canadian exports go to the U.S., Mr. Obama and Ms. Clinton's musings about reopening the North American free-trade pact had caused some concern.

Mr. Brodie downplayed those concerns.

"Quite a few people heard it," said one source in the room.

"He said someone from (Hillary) Clinton's campaign is telling the embassy to take it with a grain of salt. . . That someone called us and told us not to worry."

Government officials did not deny the conversation took place.

So, it was NOT the Obama campaign, as originally reported. This, of course, did not stop the Clinton campaign from running this negative radio ad here in Ohio:

This is an election news update with a major news story reported by the AP. While Senator Obama has crisscrossed Ohio giving speeches attacking NAFTA, his top economic advisor was telling the Canadians that was all just political maneuvering. A newly released document from the Canadian government shows that Obama's senior economic advisor met with the Canadian Consul General and made clear that Obama's attack on NAFTA were just, quote, "political maneuvering," not policy. Political maneuvering, not policy. In fact, the document shows that Obama's advisor also assured the Canadians that these attacks against NAFTA would not continue. Obama would not want to be, quote, "fundamentally changing the agreement." As Senator Obama was telling one story to Ohio, his campaign was telling a very different story to Canada. How will Ohioans decide whether they can believe Senator Obama's words? We'll find that out on election day. Paid for by Hillary Clinton for President.

Another fine example of Clintonian parsing of the facts and sophistry. The ad begins with calling this a "news story reported by AP." So it isn't Clinton campaign saying it, it is the AP reporting it. Even though the Clinton campaign knew that the AP story was inaccurate, as they were the ones that contacted the Canadians about NAFTA, they ran with it anyway. And they can techincially say that they weren't lying about it because all they did was pass along what the AP reported -- they weren't actually saying it themselves.

Anyone remember what the definition of "is" is?

Just another reason I do not and cannot support Hillary. While it might be fun to watch such sophistry and bullshit fly at McCain in the general, the downside would be having to deal with that sophistry and bullshit for the four years after that. Schadenfreude is still a hobby of mine; I can take sick pleasure in John McCain's electoral suffering this year, but not the nation's over the next four years.

Inside the Mind of the Ohio Voter

2008-03-05T10:30:00.001-05:00

So, why didn't Obama fare better in Ohio?

I think it is worthy to note a long standing trend in Ohio politics.

With little exception, Ohio voters do not favor candidates in statewide races that they have not run statewide before. Ohio voters seem to need the comfort of familiarity.

Voinovich, DeWine, Brown, Metzenbaum, Glenn, Celeste -- all had to lose statewide races before they won statewide.

Strickland was an exception, but his running mate, Lee Fisher, and both lost and won statewide previous races. Plus there was a lot of ill will toward Taft, Blackwell, and the state GOP itself when Strickland ran for governor.

Hillary Clinton had never run statewide in Ohio before, but she was a far more familiar quantity. Ohioans have known her for years, warts and all.

So here is the upside to the Obama loss yesterday: if Obama is the Democratic nominee, he already has his Ohio statewide loss under his belt.

And while Hillary can crow about how she was won the "big" states, many of which tend to vote Democratic for president -- the fact that Obama has done well in so many other swing states that makes him attractive on the basis of electoral math. Polls show that Obama (unlike Clinton) would contend in Kansas. Kansas! Sure, it isn't a major electoral vote stronghold -- but what would it say about McCain's chances if he has to dump resources and effort just to secure Kansas?

Still, the electoral math is interesting and worthy of analysis and consideration. But the overriding consideration remains: who would be the best president? McCain, Clinton, or Obama? You know my answer.

Hillary Takes Ohio By 10 Points

2008-03-05T06:28:00.001-05:00

I figured she'd win here. But 54-44 -- I am disappointed.

And she won Texas, but it was much closer, 51-47.

And she picked up Rhode Island while Obama took Vermont.

Meanwhile, McCain goes to the White House today to stand with W to "start" his campaign for the general. But standing with W ain't all that. And he's still got money issues, and issues with the FEC, so it may not be as big an advantage as suggested last night.

Coverage on the Democratic race will continue to dominate because it is unsettled. But will the eventual winner be worn out by this primary race? Or more to the point, will the voters be fatigued with the Democratic nominee?

On another level, it is fascinating to see a primary process last this long.

So... onward we go. Wyoming on 3/8, Mississippi on 3/11 --- then nothing till Pennsylvania on 4/22.

Stupid Voter Tricks

2008-03-04T13:21:00.000-05:00

If I were this dumb, I wouldn't want people to know my name.

Mistake keeps Middleburg Heights man from voting his choice

Posted by Donna J. Miller March 04, 2008 11:28AM

Joseph Romano says the ballot confused him this morning, causing him to vote for Dennis Kucinich for president.

When Romano realized his mistake and asked a poll worker how he could correct it, he was told to drop his ballot into a box. He did so then asked for a new ballot.

"They told me I couldn't get another ballot because I had already put one in the box," he said. "I've voted for 50 years. This was the worst ballot I've seen."

If they make mistakes, voters can receive up to three ballots, as long as the botched ones are discarded rather than placed in the white ballot box, officials said.

The primary

2008-03-04T12:17:00.001-05:00

I voted this morning around 7:30 A.M., in an inner-ring suburb on the east side of Cleveland (University Heights). The weather was (and still is) cold and gray, and the sidewalks were slippery and frozen this morning.

My polling place was busy, but the line for my precinct was only three deep. Cuyahoga County has just switched to optical scan ballots (after some dreadful problems with touch-screen machines.)

When I got my ballot, all the booths were full. The poll worker offered me a board to use to fill in my ballot, if I didn't want to wait for a booth. I took it, took a seat in the corner, and filled in my circles with a black rollerball pen (also provided).

Unlike other optical scan counties, there is no scanner at the polling place that scans your ballot in front of you. So, unlike other counties, if a Cuyahoga voter doesn't adequately fill in the circles, there is no second chance at darkening them. Also, because my ballot was not scanned before it went in to the ballot box, I am a little concerned about the ballots themselves. I had to force my ballot into the box, as other ballots were all bunched up within the box. I wonder how the ballots will scan if they are all creased up and mangled from being stuffed into the ballot box.

And then there was the "stub" issue.

The ballots have a perforated stub on the bottom of them that say "DO NOT REMOVE." But when I got up to the ballot box, they told me to remove the stub before placing the ballot in the box. While I was voting, I overheard someone arguing with a poll worker over whether that would spoil the ballot, but she insisted this was correct. So, I removed the stub and handed it to the poll work, who deposited it into an envelope on the table in front of her.

On my way out, I saw a card from the BOE with detailed instructions on how to vote with the new ballots. Of course, there was no mention either way about this stub. So I took the card and called the county BOE about it, just to be sure. They told me that removal of the stub from the completed ballot in front of the poll worker was appropriate. So, I hope that is actually the case.

The ballots won't be scanned until tonight at the county Board of Elections. Cuyahoga is a large and populous county, and heavily Democratic. If this election is close, we probably will not know tonight who won Ohio, since Cuyahoga's outcome is critical on any statewide election.

As it is, one of the scanners failed in a test last week. If the replacement were delivered as promised, there will be just 16 scanners counting all of these primary votes in our county tonight.

I'm still thinking about the bunched up ballots. And that stub. And I see now that the stub issue is being discussed on cleveland.com.

Tuesday Talkback

2008-03-04T05:46:00.003-05:00

The moaners are back.

“The people who call into Monday Moaning don’t leave their age. I bet the average age is 90.” — Cleveland, 36

Thanks for bringing the average down, kid.

“If car dealers are going to use nonprofessionals in their TV ads, please teach them to speak words correctly and not say ‘sentcha’ instead of ‘sent you.’” — Richfield

I wonder where they get these women. I usually wonder this whenever I see the Sunnyside Honda ads. This woman in the ads -- I assume she is family. And the Crestmont ads -- why should we care that she is Christine from Crestmont? And who is this chicky in the Fred Martin ads -- someone must have taught her to talk that way, yet it seems so forced.

“What a ‘sick’ city Cleveland has become! Jacobs Field has been renamed for an insurance company, the basketball arena for a loan agency, and now our new transit line becomes HealthLine! What’s next, ‘Cemetery Row’ for Lake Shore Boulevard? We already have ‘Dead Man’s Curve’ which they haven’t been able to make less deadly! It seems anymore, that naming rights money can buy anything! — Euclid

You forgot "terminal" tower. But I don't understand how it is worth $6.25 million to UH and the Clinic to name the overrated Euclid Corridor busline the "HealthLine." At least when Progressive bought the naming rights to the ballpark, Progressive will get mentioned in every baseball game broadcast and article about games played there. After the HealthLine has been running for a few years, the only time you're going to hear about the HealthLine is if someone gets shot on the bus.

“What message are we sending our children when we close schools because of two inches of snow or it’s too cold? As a business owner, I know they call in off from work just because their children are off. Sad.” — Parma

See, you don't care about the kids at all. You just are mad because your employee, Bob Cratchitt, called off from work when his kids had to stay home.

“It’s disheartening to read the nasty, sour grapes remarks a couple of people wrote about the Oscars. They must resent anyone enjoying themselves and having a good time.” — Cleveland

Were the Oscars on?

“I lived in Parma for 50 years. Reason No. 1001 for leaving: Suspending a kindergartner because of his haircut. Good OLD Parma — it hasn’t changed.” — Summerfield, Fla.

Well, it has changed in this respect. This wasn't a public school suspension. It is a charter school. I guess they can cast off mohawk kids and other undesirables at their whim.

“My moan is about idiotic drivers who do not know how to use a ‘left-turn-only’ lane. They either sit in the through lane holding up traffic, or they angle the front end of their car into the turn-lane leaving the rest of the car in the through lane still blocking traffic. If you’re too stupid to drive it, then park it.” — Euclid

It is called a "horn" and it is located in the middle of your steering wheel.

“Gee, maybe we could enlist those news people who found Prince Harry’s location to find Osama Bin Laden. Instead of wasting air and TV time on this bit of trivia, they might actually give us some useful news.” — Euclid

Why would they start now?

“When our power is out and we turn on our battery radio, we hear the announcer saying, ‘Go to .com for information.’” — Avon

Use your battery-powered laptop, duh! Don't you keep a laptop charged up for emergencies? Heh.

I have many things to moan about this week, but I don’t have the time because I have to shovel 8 inches of global warming off my driveway.” — Middleburg Heights

Who are these idiots who don't know the difference between weather and climate?

"We are the ones we've been waiting for."

2008-03-03T05:13:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is the primary election. I will take the Democratic ballot for the first time in years, and I will vote for Barack Obama.

There are lots of reasons why I am happy to vote for Obama. I do admire his accomplishments, his work on ethics reform, on loose nukes, and (as a state senator) passing the first law in the nation requiring the videotaping of police interrogations and confessions. When he proposed this law as a state senator, it was widely assumed that it would go nowhere, that it would never pass. Yet he masterfully worked with all of his fellow senators to achieve unanimous support for this groundbreaking law.

There are those who are skeptical of his rhetoric. Those who think that if he sounds so good, he must be too good to be true. It is reasonable to be skeptical of any politician. But I do not believe his rhetorical skills are exclusive of skills to lead this country. Indeed, being well spoken is a part of effective leadership. What would Winston Churchill have been without his rhetoric skills? Or Franklin Roosevelt? Or Ronald Reagan?

And speaking of Reagan, another key difference between Clinton and Obama: Clinton speaks of what she will "do" for us, and what she will "give" us. Obama speaks in terms of what we will do together. In this respect he is more like Bill Clinton than Hillary is. Bill once spoke of levelling the playing field, and making it so people who "work hard and play by the rules" could make their own way. Obama is not a savior, and he doesn't tell us to wait for one. Instead he says things like, "we are the ones we've been waiting for." That it is up to each of us to step up and make the changes we want to see in this country.

If there is any trouble I might have with Obama, it is on Iraq. Leaving Iraq will not be as simple as declaring that we are leaving. But I think he'll see that as president. And I would rather have someone in there who is committed to ending our occupation of Iraq finding the best way to get us out. Therefore, Obama is the candidate I trust to resolve this.

These are just a few of the reasons I'll be voting for Obama tomorrow.

* * *

If you are voting in the Democratic primary in Cuyahoga County, there are several judicial primaries on the ballot, and if you want some help sorting through those, please take a look at this site: http://www.judge4yourself.com/

Of the several judicial races, I would specifically urge selecting Brendan Sheehan over Ann Mannen.

* * *

Cuyahoga election results... I wonder how many days it will be before we know the results? I would prefer to be wrong about this, but I expect there will be a lot of problems tomorrow, first at the polls and then with the count.

Big Brother Sam Is Watching You

2008-02-21T16:54:00.002-05:00

The Patriot Act, FISA courts, EZ Pass, traffic cameras.

Your emails, your phone calls, your bank accounts, your every movement -- are all monitored.

In Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell introduced us to words and concepts such as doublespeak, thoughtcrime, memory hole, Thought Police, and of course, Big Brother. The Big Brother Is Watching You poster is ubiquitous to the novel -- a reminder, and a warning, that you are never alone, and that you should always assume that you are being monitored for unorthodoxy and thoughtcrime, and finally, that you will be sent to Room 101 and tortured.

The book was supposed to serve as a warning. Instead, it has become a manual for 21st century American governance and polity.

In the book, a mustachio'd man with Stalinesque features was Big Brother.

But today, it is none other than Uncle Sam.

So let me ask: what do you get when you combine an old army recruitment poster with the poster from Orwell's dystopic vision?

You get this line of shirts, notecards and stuff that I put together and posted on Cafe Press.

If there isn't an FBI file on me yet, this should do it.

And remember:

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Buy my shirts! Wear them anywhere you expect to be photographed, monitored, detained and/or tortured.

And if you've never read the book, please, read it online or buy it!

Watching the Ground Move Out from Underneath Her

2008-02-21T08:21:00.001-05:00

Hillary has been leading in the polls here in Ohio, but the polls show that Obama is gaining ground and the lead has been cut -- one poll said to just 9 points.

Last night the Teamsters Union endorsed Obama.

The Teamsters have 60,000 members here in Ohio, according the James R. Hoffa, president of the Teamsters.

This should hasten the evavporation of that lead. Obama wins anywhere there is time for him to campaign and make his case. He had just under two weeks left, and I think he can do it.

Obama's Legislative Accomplishments

2008-02-20T21:32:00.001-05:00

Despite the buzz that Obama hasn't accomplished anything, here is a whole list of things he's done, especially on non-proliferation and loose nukes, ethics reform, and he cracked down on those awful federal no-bid contracts.

Also, before he was in Congress, he led and won the fight to videotape all police interrogations in the state of Illinois -- making it the first state to pass such a law.

There is knee jerk reaction -- that because somebody speaks well, that it is nothing more than talk. And that when someone has ideals, that they are unable to get things done. It is a crutch, a stereotype, and all anyone had to do was actually look at what he got done -- instead of playing gotcha.

The funny thing is ... McCain's most well known legislative accompishment may be the much despised campaign finance reform.

And speaking of McCain, who'd've guessed that the first bimbo eruption of the campaign would have occurred anywhere other than in the Clinton camp?

Game Over

2008-02-20T11:15:00.001-05:00

Excellent analysis: here.

Time to be graceful and leave the stage, Hillary.

Attacks on Obama

2008-02-20T09:22:00.002-05:00

First, they tried to say he ia muslim and that he would take the oath of office on the Koran.

That didn't work.

Now they are trying to say his parents were communists?

Wait, you forgot to call him a homo!

Mobile Speed Enforcement in Cleveland

2008-02-20T08:58:00.001-05:00

Yes, the City of Cleveland is not satisfied just having mounted cameras at certain intersections with sensors in the pavement.

Yes, the city now has mobile radar units that clock you, photograph your car, and mail you a ticket.

Yes, I got one in the mail yesterday. It states I was going 39 in a 25 on 1/30/08, Eastbound at 6214 St. Clair Avenue, around 5:30 PM.

That was over two weeks ago -- I have no idea what I was doing. That isn't even my usual way home.

Big Brother is watching you -- and he's picking your pocket.

Carly Hennessy -- American Idol?

2008-02-19T12:43:00.002-05:00

Sometime after Gina and I met, we were going through our music collections when she came across my Carly Hennessey "Ultimate High" CD. I explained that I picked it up after reading a Wall Street Journal article about her, mostly out of morbid curiousity. Her CD bombed, having sold reportedly about 400 copies. The problem was, this young Irish lass with the powerful voice had recorded a set of songs that were too "mature" for her age and intended demographic. She was still a teenager when she recorded the track, released as a single, "I'm Gonna Blow Your Mind," which was a not so thinly-veiled song about giving a blow job -- all while MCA struggled with whether to market her as the next Britney Spears, or what exactly.

Gina gave me that look -- that look that most people would give you when you say you've got a rare CD featuring a song by a teenage girl celebrating her skills at giving oral.

Now -- I don't watch American Idol. But it has come to my attention that former major label washout Carly Hennessy is none other than Idol semi-finalist Carly Smithson (her married name). Some folks are crying foul, that it spoils the amateur spirit of the show.

I am probably only person I know who heard her the first time. If anyone is curious in hearing her 2001 debut CD, let me know. I still have it. For now. I hear ebay calling -- especially if she does well on Idol.

Tuesday Talkback

2008-02-19T06:09:00.001-05:00

Yet again, the PD did not upload Monday Moaning to Cleveland.com -- so no talkback.

Maybe someone could phone in a moan about that.

Dropping the C-word

2008-02-15T10:29:00.001-05:00

Warning: meat curtains ahead.

OK, so Jane Fonda used a certain word that begins with "c" and rhymes with "runt" on the Today show yesterday. And while there seems to be an uproar about it, if you watch the clip, the context in which she used the C-word seemed as appropriate as you could ever use the C-word when not coming right out and calling someone (awfukit) a cunt. They were talking about The Vagina Monologues after all.

Oh, but what will I tell my children? I get so tired of people who get so worked up about having to explain things to their kids. That's part of being a parent.

What is way funnier is that someone asked Jane Fonda to do a segment on The Vagina Monologues called "The Cunt." If I were Jane, I would think someone was trying to tell me something.

Obama Everythingness

2008-02-14T15:51:00.001-05:00

Who can resist what Obama is doing for you.

(Be sure to refresh it a few times.)

Tuesday Talkback

2008-02-12T07:02:00.001-05:00

Once again, the PD did not upload the Monday Moaning, so no Tuesday Talkback. I did start to read the moans in yesterday's PD, then got distracted.

I do remember one moan, one urging owners and managers of businesses to call in to their own businesses and listen to how so many of their receptionists and phone operators sound so unprofessional on the phone, and then do something about it.

Me, I'm just amazed when a live person answers the phone anymore instead of an automated phone answering system. And I really hate those automated systems that start all over repeating the menu options when you dial zero, instead of switching you to an operator.

But what really gets me with automated systems is how slow they are. The cadence of the delivery of the options is so much slower than they way I speak and expect to be spoken to when conducting business.

And when they ask in the beginning whether you want English or Spanish, I have no beef over a bilingual system. I just hate the fact that it is one more slowly delivered question slowing me down.

Conceding the point over having a live operator answering the phone, would it kill them if they picked up the pace a little bit? Maybe instead of offering just English and Spanish, they could also offer "fast English" and "slow English" -- fast English being standard English that is spoken at a fairly efficient clip, and slow English for those people who have difficulty keeping up with the pace of an episode of Matlock.

The Waterway Saga Continues.

2008-02-06T17:23:00.001-05:00

The nogasstation site proclaims:

164 valid signatures for the online petition and counting!!! 1578 visitors on the website and counting! This must account for something!

Let us assume that these numbers are valid: 164 signatures versus 1578 visitors to the site.

What it accounts for is this: almost 90% of the people who visited the site did NOT sign the petition.

Now, I don't know where all those visitors are from. The authors of the site decline to tell us. If they are Waterway execs, curious onlookers or other non-residents of University Heights, then of course they would not be signing the petition. But how many of the 1578 visitors would fall into these categories? Most of the visitors have got to be other University Heights residents who got fliers taped on their doors (like I did), checked out the site (like I did), weighed their arguments (like I did), and weren't persuaded (as I was not).

Nine out of ten people who visited the site did not see fit to sign the petition. I think this says something, just as the 10% that did sign accounts for something. What exactly it says is open for interpretation. Admittedly, not signing a petition is not the equivilent as a positive endorsement of the contrary position. I will not go so far as to argue that since 90% didn't sign, that 90% must actually be in strong favor of the Waterway proposal. But I will go this far: 9 out of 10 people that took the time to visit their website, given the opportunity to sign a petition objecting to the proposal, declined to object. I repeat: almost 90% declined to object.

City council should take note of that. The opposition may be loud, but the opinion is far from unanimous. They are well in the minority, as their own website reveals.

Lower, lower...

2008-02-05T07:22:00.000-05:00

If you've ever had an itch you couldn't quite scratch, then you might understand The Retarded Policeman.

Tuesday Talkback

2008-02-05T07:02:00.000-05:00

Moaner!

"To the woman talking to the cashier at Dave's on Lakeshore Boulevard on a Sunday morning. I overheard you calling someone a dumb person behind his back. How would you like it if someone called you dumb or something of inferior quality? You or anyone else is no better or perfect. Every person in the world forgets sometimes. As for you, you're a judgmental hypocrite without a care in the world. Furthermore, you had forgotten things in life and you probably still do." - Cleveland

Don't talk about someone behind his back -- instead, confront him anonymously in the newspaper, and call him a "judgmental hypocrite." Much better!

Mr. Crusher, Engage.

2008-02-04T16:23:00.000-05:00

Wil Wheaton (probably best known as Wesley Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation) makes a guest appearance on Episode 5 of The Retarded Policeman.

This one may be too self-referential to get all the jokes if you haven't seen the others.

Catch them all on YouTube.

Most Super Bowl Ever?

2008-02-04T07:31:00.001-05:00

Giants defeat the Patriots 17-14. That might have been the finest Super Bowl ever -- or at least in the top two or three. The lead changed three times in the fourth quarter. The Giants were down with about 2:45 on the clock and Eli Manning and the Giants marched down the field and somehow retook the lead with 45 seconds left. But the Pats had three timeouts, and if anyone could lead a comeback, Tom Brady could. But the Giants D came up big, and Brady was stuffed.

The Pats went undefeated till the the one game that mattered the most. 18 wins in one season, no Super Bowl ring. Sorry Pats fans. But the Giants were never so giant as they were last night. And Eli Manning, someone who has been routinely questioned for not being a leader, not having the consistency to win, should get a pass for about a week or so in the New York media.

As for the ads ... I liked the Coke ads with the parade balloons and then with Carville/Frist. And I liked the FedEx carrier pigeon ad. But otherwise, not a remarkable crop.

Waterway Coming to Ohio

2008-02-04T07:07:00.000-05:00

One of the things that has been missing from my neighborhood is a conveniently located gas station and convenience store. That may soon change.

Waterway is a chain of stores offering gas and full service car washes. They have stores in St. Louis, Kansas City, Denver, and very soon, University Heights. They are looking to build on Warrensville Center between Lansdale and Bushnell -- or in other words -- between Whole Foods and Geraci's. Right now there is a run down old plaza, which is mostly vacant, especially since Hold It moved to Solon after Christmas.

I am excited that University Heights continues to see new development and new investment. I am glad to see that this old plaza may give way to something new. I'm glad that there may soon be a gas station closer than Fairmount Circle, Cedar-Green, or Lee-Silsby.

But apparently some folks who live over on Lansdale don't like it so much. Never mind that they all bought homes right next to the commercial district, they are complaining all the same. I myself looked at a home on Lansdale, but when I saw the backyard overlooked the Cedar Center parking lot, that weighed into the reasons I passed on it. I've looked at their website and their blog. Sorry neighbors, but I am unmoved. You live next to the commerical district, and it has been a commercial district for years. Yet you seem surprised that other city residents are unmoved by your complaints -- complaints over redevelopment and new investment in existing commercially zoned property.

They taped a flier on my door yesterday, trying to round up local residents to go to the city council meeting tonight to complain. If I were to go at all, I'd speak in favor of the project. And while I probably won't go and witness the angst personally, I did email the mayor and city council expressing my general approval of the project.

Femi-missed

2008-01-29T06:36:00.001-05:00

Marcia Pappas, the New York state NOW president, responded to Teddy's endorsement of Obama this way:

"This latest move by Kennedy, is so telling about the status of and respect for women's rights, women's voices, women's equality, women's authority and our ability – indeed, our obligation - to promote and earn and deserve and elect, unabashedly, a President that is the first woman after centuries of men who 'know what's best for us,'" - Marcia Pappas, president of New York State's chapter of NOW.

Earlier in the month, she called Obama and Edwards attacking Hillary in a debate as a "Psychological Gang Bang."

http://www.nownys.org/pr_2008/pr_011108.html

I heard yesterday that Teddy felt compelled to endorse Obama, or at least go about it the way he did, after the Hillary campaign turned nasty, and especially after Bill got involved the way he did, and especially after he urged Bill to cool it. I don't think it is unfair to have your spouse campaign for you, even if your spouse is a former president. But who uses their spouse as a hatchet man? If Bill were out there making appearances and sticking to a positive message, and deferring to his candidate, that would be ok. But having your husband go out there to attack your opponents for you, defending your honor in some twisted form of chivalry -- isn't this actually anti-feminist?

In fact, isn't it anti-feminist to run on your husband's experience? When Hillary talks about her decades of experience, she's really talking about her time as first lady of the country and the state of Arkansas, as well as her seven years in the Senate. What kind of feminism stands on your husband's shoulders as if you are standing for yourself?

Sure, down on the farm, the wife can run the farm as well as the husband. And if Tom Brady's ankle is still acting up this Sunday, I'm sure Gisele Bundchen can step right in there and lead the Pats. In fairness, Hillary's experience is probably somewhere in between. But her experience gained from the opportunity to botch health care reform in early 1990s is an opportunity she gained because she was married to the president, and more to the point, health care is in worse shape now than it was before her efforts.

Tuesday Talkback

2008-01-29T05:35:00.000-05:00

The PD didn't upload the moans, so no talkback this week either.

Slackers.

Life After People

2008-01-24T09:03:00.001-05:00

I watched Life After People on the History Channel. It was very interesting, the idea that so much of our civilization would be swallowed up by nature should humans suddenly disappear, and the processes of it. The computer simulations of buildings and bridges falling were entertaining and eerie. Watching the Empire State Building, the Sears Tower, the Space Needle all fall was eerily reminiscent of watching the WTC fall. They did not account much for the rising sea level, except to offer as a preliminary detail to the Empire State Building falling, that it had started to lean due to rising water damaging its pilings.

It seemed that no matter what we may be doing to destroy or affect the Earth, that it is small compared to what the Earth would do back to us.

Tuesday Talkback

2008-01-22T09:39:00.000-05:00

No talkback today. Too busy.